.:The land of dreams:.

2008-12-13T23:21:00.001+08:00

Now that it all seems clear to me, yeah, i would never trust you again. You got too many dark secrets that i might never even discover even if i were to search my whole life.

Wishing we could turn back the hands of times, is the only thing i crave in my lifetime.

Wishing that things stay the same, even though they will never be the same again.

2008-12-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

Life has sort of stabilized for me. But now i feel so lost. Life is so hectic, and i feel so numb. Every day, i just sit on the train , wondering, where when can i stop in life. To take a break, and enjoy the walk in the park like i always dream of.

Nightmares keep coming back to haunt me. I cant help but feel betrayed. I cant help to feel helpless, I cant help but feel lonely.

It used to be so easy, to just pick up the phone and connect. But now , i feel so out of connection with every one. I feel like i'm alone in this world. I want to get out of this vicious cycle and get to find friends which i can once again depend on.

Yet at times , i enjoy this solitude of mine. To walk alone, to be oblivious to the people around me. I just wanna sit down there and watch people walk by.

If i had to use one word to describe my life now, i guess it would the word LOST.

I am good in the things i did, and the things i do and the things i will be doing. But does it really matter? I'm known as some one who is capable, independent and popular. But is it really the case?

I am capable because i just want to be right, because i put in more effort and going the extra mile for that passion in life of mine.

I am independent because things things i fight for, are things people would agree, but never fight for. I am independent because no one stands by me and i don't seek people to do so.

I am popular because i always seems to have alot of friends. Only on the surface. Does any one really tried to understand me? Bro, is what they call when they need help or when they are lonely. The fact is i just need a couple of friends, a couple of real solid friends.

Yes, i am negative in this post. So? Does it matter? I don't even know what i'm really writing or even doing in my life. I'm just doing what most people do daily.

Going through the motion.

But i ain't happy.

2008-10-26T18:47:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since i blogged, I don't know where to start, what to say. But i need an outlet.

Life's been driving me crazy. I am not the same anymore. I don't know the real meaning of joy anymore. Reality has hit home. I need to start focusing on the future.

BGR-wise, im glad everything came to an end. Some things just have to be cut off. You can't leave strands hanging, some how, they'll always come back to haunt you. I know i hate the fact that you lied to me so many times, but at least i know today, irregardless of everything , i've learnt to walk alone.

All along, i was searching for some one to hold my hand , to guide me along this troubled path i took. You kept assuring me you were the one, but every now and then, you took a dagger and stabbed it into my heart, i held on. For i believed that maybe , some day things will be back the to same. Its ok being friends. But after a while , when the truth is all out, i know , i have to leave. Before i lose myself.

And i shall slowly update those who might one day come across this.
I am now a fitness specialist trainee in pasir laba camp. Pretty hell hole of a course if you ask me, you need to attend draggy lessons, attend and conduct mock PT lessons and still meet up to the physical training and tests. Pretty bad for a bad runner like me. Learning how to endure and excel has indeed become an important part of my life. I don't know where to go, with so many doors open to me. I'm still looking for the right door and the right person to walk with me through it.

2007-10-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

Thats the fourth time i caught you going clubbing without my knowledge. So much bullshit. Too many lies.I guess i would never know how many times you actually did go.

Who knows what you did on the dance floor. No doubt i went zouk and had a hell of a time. its only to spite you.

The way you went to meet another guy so shadily. I wonder whats on your mind.

You didnt even mind if i read your messages for you in the past. Now , you get paranoid when i touch your phone.

'well i guess im alot more independent now, now that it is over. i can very surely tell you that we are over, though i dun mind continuing seeing you. and i guess im giving myself lots more choices now. this is not the end of the world for me. i have still have the whole ocean to choose from. i guess you were just a very very painful lesson.'

If you wanted to have more choices. Tell me. Spare me the agony. Telling you need me by your side. Girl you are so fucked up. Telling me such stuff to make me guilty and to stay. But all along you were just holding to me as a life buoyant.

Adiós girl. This time , i leave with no regrets , no guilt hanging on my soul. Good bye and fuck you bitch. Hope you continue getting fucked by life.

2007-08-09T15:13:00.001+08:00

The way you talked to me.

I realised that it was really all over for you.

Looks like i was the fool to have put my heart and soul into everything.

Looks like it was all just a lie.

Oh well , its not the first time.

2007-08-09T00:10:00.000+08:00

I wasn't sure. Then i made a couple of calls. Now im pretty god damned sure.

I don't deny we missed all the time we had together. Those times where things were just so right. But some how , some where , you made a choice and every thing went downhill.

I'll miss all the things that we did together. hurt as it may, i must let go. Big guys cry too. But its over. I'm sucking it up and letting it go.

Suddenly i feel so free now that i don't know how and where to fly to anymore.

So guys , if you are still reading my blog, everything is over and im longer MIA. Lets hit the clubs once more.

2007-06-20T18:23:00.000+08:00

I hate it. I realised today. How insignificant i am. No one bothers to sms me if i don't make the first move.

Can't some one just like, msg me and ask. Hows your day? Because it really sucked.

But oh well, hasn't it been like for months? Looks like i'll have to get used to this... independent life.

At least buddies are always there to stay. BGR DON'T

Im going out to dinner with marg. Oh well, thats what true friends are for.

2007-05-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

I have let go of everything. Everything. I've changed , i've grown. Nothing hurts me as much anymore.

I'm confused about my feelings. but i know somehow ,that decision was the best. Good luck.

2007-01-21T19:13:00.000+08:00

I know i know , im not blogging for almost 3 months.

2006 was a storm. A frigging tornado. Things went by so fast. So so fast. Lets countdown to the things that made it all so special.

First off , 2 months working at Accord. It was a blast! First time i actually worked in warehouse. Learn many stuff that i probably could apply in the future , the guys were nice. Especially this china guy. I used to remember his name. Guo Bing i think. He works from 8am-10pm. No less. But he gets low pay. $3.20 an hour? and $4.80 for OT? What a joke. I get paid $5/h even though all i do is just sleep and occassionally help them with stock taking. I realised what a unbalanced world it is out there.

CADC FOC:
Current Affairs and debating club freshman orientation camp. Sing song talk cock , play mahjong. Lets exclude the mahjong. At st john. Should be first time there. Food sucked , games sucked , programmes sucked. But.. the people made it worthwhile. Made friends with people like Siu Ping, Jia Rong and a few others. Not very impactful on my life but it brought me to the start of a new life.

Built Environment Freshman Orientation camp:
Got together with Calvin , Vincent , Yuping , Si Min and the rest like Gabriel ETC ETC ETC. Lets just say.. i had fun during this camp. These people formed up the majority of my good friends in poly. Cool bunch of ppl to hang out and definitely the people who will be there to break your fall.

ICE Camp:
Lots of things to say. Way too Much to say. First time i was actually a facilitator of a camp. First time i was rightfully a leader. I wasn't a rebel. I just hope that i did well. Heart broken and heart repaired over the camp. A memorable camp. One that will stay in my heart for life. Also the place which i met my darling.

Heart Wrenching/Warming Moments
The painful and lonely new year , where i spent alone drinking with my sisters and her friends

The moment before i went to bintan. I went on a good note, thinking that you were finally back to me. The next day on my heart , you broke it again.

At the icecamp. The message you sent to me , broken everything again. Then some one special came along and pieced it up again and it has remain whole till now.

Moments of sorrow
Cadc Basketball team. We lost. Lost badly. But im not sad about that. Im sad about how you all each left one by one after we lost one by one. Im dissappointed. The promises you all made , the ambitions you all had , where did they go? So much for what i put in.

School of Design
Some how , some day , i received a phone call. 'Do you think you can be president? For SD?' It took me a while to decide. Will i have time for my girl? Will i do a good job?

But i wanted to change things. I hate long song sessions in camp. I hate telematches after telematches at camp. Why cant some one be special and suprise me abit.So thought , why cant i do it? So here i am , doing it. Changing things.

The troubles , the sorrows , the problems i had. No one will ever know. Because it takes some one to be me to know me. In fact i will create a secret blog to talk about everything.

Friends
People that i thought would have left. People like Zi yang , boon kiat ,Smac and the rest. I thought the moment i step out of kranji, i would be out of your minds , gone with a poof. But you guys stayed. I appreciate that friendship , i adore the loyalty and i will return all that goodwill the best i can.

2006-11-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

Long time since i last blogged. I practicaly end up home at 1am a day.

Super busy. The past month was hectic like hell. Becoming a president, getting involved once again in a relationship and projects. Life aint easy..

I'll keep updating soon.

2006-10-16T11:44:00.000+08:00

Yeah , to every one whos been guessing. I am finally attached after messing around for so long. Its time to settle down. I know all of you have been waiting so long for the day i would say this right? :p

I think things would last. definitely.

But still im so busy with school and projects and every thing that i dont even know how to manage my time. I feel like im losing my friends. But i know , true friends stay. And im grateful to them for that and i hope that it stays that way.

But life's good. LG haha. And i finalyl got my long awaited pay. Shopping anyone? haha.

I love my darling.

2006-10-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the long period of time that i was away. Haha, seriously , i have alot more commitments recently. The closer you are to me , the more you know. :p Does that make you want to talk to me more?

But really , it aint easy. I know i have been promsing to go out with alot of ppl but always couldnt make it. Sorry. Things just happen to crop up at the last minute. Hey, but still , just gimme some time and i'll adapt to this new lifestyle . I promise.

And yeah, gotta buck up for my projects. This last primer is seriously important. So catch me during the holidays k? :p

I still have many many many thingsi want to go do. KBOX< , movies , clubbing , everything! haha So please please invite me out because i will still try to attend each of them.

2006-10-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

Why is this always happening , do i really get my happiness by riding on the pain of others?

I was truly happy recently. But im feeling like shit when it comes. Can't you see it? Im hurting all over inside. Perhaps, its just time. I don't wish to be like this all the time. Sorry for all those that i hurt.

It'll end pretty soon.
(continued some where else)

2006-09-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

Hm... First off... bad start in the morning. Lets talk about basketball, had abit of fun. But im sorry to my other members, i shouldn't have lost my temper. To the few that i promised , I won't say such things again. I'm going to carry out my promise , to perservere.

Before that was the message, he messaged me , i was kinda looking forward to it. At least after that.. i was more sure of everything i want. But .. it made me think alot today.. Things can be simple or complicated. Its what you choose.

Was generaly happy the past few days , went out quite alot , mainly for dinner only though. But im happy.

Everything you do matters to me alot, it might be small things, but it matters to me. I'm just like that. Lets talk.

2006-09-26T18:49:00.000+08:00

Mentally and Physically unwell.

New entry in private blog.

Tell me who am i

The good
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Peng%20Yu

And the bad.
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Peng+Yu

2006-09-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

Damn , i don't even know how to start. First it was ICE camp. Had really lots of funs , first time as a facilitator. Learnt lots of stuff. Met lots of people.

6 days , 5 nights , 14 hours of sleep. Yes i counted. I didn't get to sleep alot. Alot of things went on. A message i recieved made me think through about my past alot.

I realised. Its the end of a chapter in my life. A forceful ending. I keep telling myself its the end , its a new start all the time in the past. This time , its different. I actually got on a new start. I know I am just rambling nonsensical stuff now. But , hey , those guys who know me , know I am like this when i just have too many things to say. Oh well. Lets just end it simply

ICE Camp was fun and in the course of it , a chapter of my life has been closed and another chapter starts. It was a long long chapter. A chapter that dates back to approximately four ago. At last , it all ended.

Oh well , the start of a new chapter isn't all that perfect too. Every story starts with a problem. The problem has to do with clubbing. I am starting to be unsure of what i am doing. I don't like her to clubbing but i am in no right to stop her. Neither do i want her to be unhappy. However , i just made a fool out of myself by attempting to help her go club. Contradictory, don't you think? Oh well, let's just take things one step at a time and hope this time , this chapter will end with a ' Happily ever after'.

Oh well thats pretty much how life has changed. I have not changed. Its just that ... i learnt that... the harder you try to hold on to things you can't let go, the more hurt you recieve in return. Its a sad, but true fact about life.

2006-09-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

Ok so i uploaded pictures below. My body is screwed real bad. Back injury and one swollen , sprained ankle. Recently life seem to suck. Every thing is getting from bad to worse. Just feeling really down recently.

2006-08-30T02:41:00.000+08:00

Just came back from bintan. Snapshots now , I'll post the room pics as soon as i get them from my friend. Lol

After the afternoon swim! (Shao Jie)

Hidir!

I was there wasnt i?

Breakfast!

Shao Jie Eating Breakfast

Which part of the MY resort you want? :p

Fun in the lift

Lunch again!

2006-08-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

Went to cut hair today. Nice?

2006-08-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

Just watched a vcd my sis rented. Called Moonlight Tokyo. Seriously , its a very touching show. It all begins when a mentally handicapped guy meets a typical useless street gangster. Their story , is some thing , that words alone cannot express.

Power of friendship. How promises were kept. I just couldnt express much without you watching the show. Its full of twists and suprises. Better not talk so much about it, you guys should seriously watch this show. Its not always that i recommend a show right? lol.

Anyway played basketball yesterday with cousins. Saw this super burnt bike near his voideck.

2006-08-22T19:00:00.000+08:00

So , i got a new blog. Nono , doesnt mean i will neglect this blog. Its private so i can blog down more things bah. Nowadays too many things to say , too little places for me to really say it out.

I am really bored to hell these few days. Everything just seems to go down in a spiral. Bleah. And im losing my beliefs. Things i used to believe , things i used to hold back. But now i realised , for what? Haha

Any way...

Argh... my precious hair. Have to cut it short already. So sad lar.... cos of work.

Oh yeah i discovered a new drink/desert
Mango king , Tried it at this place called Hong Kong Cafe. Mango icecream + Mango fruit+ mango juice. Need further explaination? :p

2006-08-03T11:46:00.000+08:00

Its been a while sincei have truely happy. All the past months. I just keep zooming here , trying to finish and that, rushing projects , helping out at the club. To some people that may be a fulfilling life , but not to me.

I realised i lost a part of me. The carefree me. The real me.

I have been too busy with everything that i no longer stop to see the leaves fall and the clouds move. I know , it sounds stupid to some of you. But i realise thats what i want to do in life. Not trying to finish everything , seeking every one's approval. So what even if i do well in my interior design? I am not happy when i have to put so much effort into it.

I know , some people is gonna say im back to my laidback style. But that is who i really am and who i am comfortable being.

2006-07-10T16:04:00.000+08:00

2 Months since i last updated my blog. My pc is still spoilt, can't really blog much nowadays. Currently in studio so might as well blog a bit. Life sucks. Serious, i am dreading school. The workload never seem to cease at all. Dough is running out too. Dadadadadadadadada and i hate it when people ask me why im not attached. I don't see why they must probe into such personal issues.

Oh well, close friends knows there's something going on. So i shan't explain anymore. Im pretty shocked that people still view my blogs nowadays. Oh well. The smac is up to something and im part of it! Haha, i guess thats the only thing that im interested in. I wonder why life have to be this way. When i thought i had everything. I realised that actually those things are just nothing. Why bother keeping on to them?

Besides i guess i will be staying single for sometime so don't bother asking me those questions neither doubt me when i say that because i really do mean that.

I have missed 3 lectures straight and im in a loss of what i should do. So freaking fucking lost. No wonder i actually have time to blog during studio times. Every one's left and they seem pretty slack about it but im still struggling. Woah , perhaps im really not cut out to be a designer. Fuck it , im going on to business one day. One fine day. Until then , i guess im stuck in this course that i dont really like. Looking on the bright side , at least we are learning about 3D software in class. Haha , that at least is what im interested and not some lame shit models again using cheap old cardboard.

I just hope that someday , i wont become just a nobody that nobody gives a damn about. Call me materialistic or what , but i really just want to be rich , who cares about whatever other fuck that goes on around me. Luis Figo can saw off his leg , George bush can shut his damn old stinky mouth, PAP can stop asking us for more money , you'll see if i care . Because honestly ,i dont give a shit to things that is not going to benefit me or my friends and family.

3 months , arghz. Just another 2 years and 9 months to go and i'll graduate. Hopefully with a decent diploma. I cant exactly say i hate this course but i just want to get it over and done with.

As for anything other thing that i have failed to mention in this post , just gimme a call or sms at my new number at 91889885. Damn those china bastards that stole my phone at sentosa. And oh. i probably wont be signing on to msn for quite some time. Darn it , thats like half of the people i can communicate with gone.

Oh well , instead of just typing about me and my blog , its high time for me to visit others' blog just to catch up abit with the on goings with the people that i actually do care about and hopefully , i still remember their blog addresses without my bookmarks. Now i see the importance of linking blogs on my own blogs. Computer gone , everyything gone!

2006-05-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

I think interior design is not as fun and not easy as i thought it to be. Damn. Oh well , looks like im gonna suffer another 3 years under the inflexible education system in Singapore. I will manage somehow i guess...

Some things really made me reflect alot about my friends... Is it wrong to show concern to just a friend? Am i too protective of friends close to me? However , the reason is why i do that is actually simple.. Because im too scared to lose the few close friends that i got. I mean , yeah i know of tons of ppl , people that would say hi and bye then leave , like i was just as passing image. However , my behavior seems to make one of my closest friend recently to choose not to hang out with me as much. Oh well, life is just a mystery. I guess i should be contented that i still have friends.

Bleah, oh well, all alone at home during saturday night. How lifeless can i get huh.

2006-04-27T09:09:00.000+08:00

All alone in my design studio now. I mean who the hell would come so early besides me. I know theres stuff to be completed but i am simply just lazing around at times... Oh well..

Any way , im kinda enjoying my poly life. Busy indeed but at times , its much better than secondary school. Here , i am given much freedom but it all comes with a heavy price tag. The price tag that may be insignificant to some yet at the same time could be too expensive for some to bear. The loss of free time and sleep. Projects , club meetings , social outings have been taking up at least 16 hours of my average day. However , i know , its just the starting of 3 years . Lets just hope i can get used to this pretty fast.

Pc is down , not like it really mattered alot though , i simply don't even have time to use to the computer for long msn chats anyway , let alone play games. Hopefully , it gets fixed by today.

Life's a mystery. There are stuff that i took 4 months and still can't get over. Yet, i can easily forget many of the happy times i had during my break. Or could it simply be that there was really no happy times during my holiday? I suppose so. What is sweet could turn sour eventually if not kept well. Not alone applies to food but to relationships and memories as well.

I keep getting asked. What's holding me back? I don't really know too. Perhaps it could simply be that i still can put down whats left and gone. It could also be that I am a coward to face up to expectations. As i said , i really don't understand where all of this is heading. I don't get a single clue, i am playing the game with lots of sneaky competitors. I am sick of it. Perhaps i just forget it all and once again lead the life of a vagrant. I see no point in holding on to things that does not what to be held on. It's time to just let go i suppose.

Hm... its getting cold in here , no ones really around me anyway. Better go seek my solace from the cold world. The 50 cent hot milo at the vending is all that is still warm.

2006-04-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

Damn, its really been a while since i last blogged. PC down , connections down. Well, mainly the good ole friends of mine. I do miss ya guys. Especially the smac gang. Hopefully i will have more time to hang out with you guys.

Now lets talk about poly life. Lifes hectic and all in a mess. Things are moving too fast for my liking. Its been a while i really sat back and relaxed like i used to. Running all over the place to meet up with new friend and to finish up on school stuff such as projects and club activities. Things are just too much for me to be comfortable with.

Life moves on? Yeah kinda.

People i met so far are pretty good. Met really tons of new friends. Sometimes people just greet me and i can barely recognize them. Thats the down point of having too many friends. Thats not really good,because it makes me look insincere about the friendship. But really , if i could , i would keep them all close to my heart.

Alright , thats enough about the boring stuff. Heres what i believe many of you want to see. Girls. :p. I swear i will upload pics of my classmates as soon as im free. I'm really confused recently about stuff. BGR. Something that hasn't really crossed my mind until recently. Theres like a lot of girls i met recently and they each possess a certain thing about them that makes me want to be with them. Hey hey , my brothers out there , i know its wrong and sinful but dont get my point wrong , im not about to take on multiple courtships at a time. My plan? Let nature take its course. Hang out with them and if any thing develops from then on , then let it be. I don't think i will purposely make the effort to go chase some one ever again.

This is for you. I don't understand... why must you really wipe out every single trace... Sometimes , the pictures , the videos , the e-mails we exchanged. Everytime i wanted to press that delete button, i just freeze. Perhaps you are really stronger than me.

Any way , i think my blog will be updated regularly as its my only way to communicate with my friends since i wont be using msn for some time. True friends do stay and last.. Let me indulge in this little dream ...

2006-04-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i last blogged... Always wanted to... but lazy to. Haha, but since i will MIA for some time due to two camps , one after another , i decide to jot down what went through my mind these few days...

Been going out practically daily... with jingxiang , it will be shopping time! However hanging out with wei jie they all can be quite fun too. Badminton followed up by a good meal then off to LanLab we go. Dinner with them is good too... and it always seems to drag... don't you all wish time just stop moving some times?

Ok... thats what i have been doing recently... but what i really want to blog is what i have been thinking alot about recently... In the past ... i used to make fun and think less of people that I deem as ugly. However , something is bugging me recently... First of all , don't they all have a face , a body and a soul like i do? So what even if i think they are ugly? For all you know , i might be the most horrible looking freak to them.

Not only that ... i keep poking fun at them... but at the end of the day , what do i get? I get worried , I am afraid that some one exactly like me would laugh at me , saying I am ugly some day. Won't i feel unhappy and inferior too?

So what even if i think they are ugly? Look beside them , those big fat dinosaurs that we always at in orchard always seem to have the pretty lass / prince charming with them. And who do i have beside me? My buddies who only have me beside them. They have a decent partner and yet we don't. Isn't it a fact that we are inferior? Their appearance may look awkward , but i believe they are definitely nicer than we are. If not , why do they have the pretty guys and girls whereas we get shit?

If we really are not even comparable with those people we deem as ugly freaks, shouldn't we feel guilty at mocking at them , ashamed of ourselves? At least they have some one to hear them out , cares about them , loves them , be with them. We , at least I , don't.

We always tell others to leave us alone... but do we really love being alone? Have you ever walked through orchard road alone? Do you feel a sense of loss and loneliness? I do. I am sick of being alone. Don't even talk about friends. There are things that friends can and will not do for you. They can walk with you down the road... but there is no point if you still feel left out because they already have their other half. If you have your other half , then the voidness will be filled.

Do you feel alone? I do :)

2006-03-14T16:40:00.000+08:00

This test is so accurate
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12721960859055255705
the Asserter
Test finished!
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT.

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

* Stand up for yourself... and me.
* Be confident, strong, and direct.
* Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
* Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
* Give me space to be alone.
* Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
* I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
* When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight

* being independent and self-reliant
* being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
* being courageous, straightforward, and honest
* getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
* supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
* upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Eight

* overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
* being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
* sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
* never forgetting injuries or injustices
* putting too much pressure on myself
* getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Eights as Children Often

* are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
* are sometimes loners
* seize control so they won't be controlled
* fugure out others' weaknesses
* attack verbally or physically when provoked
* take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents

* are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
* are sometimes overprotective
* can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

2006-03-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

Damn , this test is so accurate. At least i think it is.

the Asserter
Test finished!
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT.

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

* Stand up for yourself... and me.
* Be confident, strong, and direct.
* Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
* Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
* Give me space to be alone.
* Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
* I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
* When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight

* being independent and self-reliant
* being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
* being courageous, straightforward, and honest
* getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
* supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
* upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Eight

* overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
* being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
* sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
* never forgetting injuries or injustices
* putting too much pressure on myself
* getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Eights as Children Often

* are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
* are sometimes loners
* seize control so they won't be controlled
* fugure out others' weaknesses
* attack verbally or physically when provoked
* take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents

* are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
* are sometimes overprotective
* can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

2006-03-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

Weee long time since i last blogged! Anyway , i am now going to study interior design at Singapore poly. Looks like not much people i know is going to that school.

Oh well a few things that im doing now that i seldom did in the past
1)Drinking
2)KBOX!
3)Shopping

Haha , anyway , im not working any more.The contract ended early as things were done up pretty fast. Good for me. Lol , its late today and i don't really have the mood to carry on. However do me a favour , those people reading my blog out there.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Peng+Yu

Tell me who i really am.

2006-02-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

Rules
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their page saying they have been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.
------------------------------------------------------------------
question 1
[x] Trust me.
[x] Gives me controlled freedom
[x] Spontaneous, full of suprises.
[x] Would stick around me on her own will.
[x] Be able to think maturely
[x] Good looking.
[x] Needs me not only emotionally but physically too.
[x] Loves me.

question 2
Female.

question 3
Elaine , JingXiang , Melvyn , boon kiat , ser chuan. As for the other 3 people i dont bother. Thats the 5 people i wanna see their responses. Lol.

2006-02-23T14:42:00.000+08:00

My 100th post! Anyway , i just have to blog what happened recently.Yesterday i went for the preliminary interview. That guy offered me 3 positions that would be suitable for me and i decided to pick all those 3 and see which one of those 3 unit will take me in afterall. They are intel unit , signals and commando. I quite like the intel unit. Afterall , i would be getting combat pay for any of this 3 units. Intel is almost always in the office , signals is 50/50 and commando , you get to sit in the office when you are scolded. So i put commando as my last choice. Besides ,i don't really want to enter that unit and i doubt i can anyway.

But i am seriously happy that i could possibly enter intel. Afterall , its a special unit that is not offered to everyone. At least thats what the interviewer told me.

After that interview, i went to JB with Elaine , Clara and her cousin and MaoMao. I don't really like that maomao. If i could i would report him to the police saying he robbed me. I secretly snapped a pic of him! :p Btw , hes malaysian. I don't know why , every thing about him puts me off. Eugh! Anyway , we went to eat at seasons cafe then headed on to shop. Damn , i finally got myself a decent bag.

Then we went to watch the descent. Pretty short movie. Not scary , more like shocking but only the first bits. The rest were just so so predictable. Yet another cliffhanger ending.

We then we went to play bowling for a short while. Damn , clara's cousin baozhu was a pretty good player , consistently getting 100+ scores. Then we went to the seaside to have a drink and stroll by the beach. That place has a great ambience. I would seriously consider going there again.

Wondering why im posting so early today? In the middle of the afternoon? Well , im sick. It's been a while. I will recover soon enough to prepare for this sat i hope.

Oh yeah , i was trying ways and means to get to her blog. But i realised , so what even if i did? Would i really want to see whats happening? Didn't i promise myself to move on? Damn , i must learn not to be so foolish in the future.

2006-02-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

Thanks to the people who shared my point of view. Its heartening to see such support. Anyway , just a brief update on whats up these few days for me..

On saturday.. i went to the Army Seminar. After thinking through a few issues , i decided to sign on. I know most people would advise me against it. However, there are good reasons that i would choose not to disclose so openly for certain reasons. I know , i won't regret it. After the talk , i met up with Jing Xiang to go out have fun. Went to Cineleisure to watch Fun with Dick and Jane. Pretty decent show. After which we went to play pool at Paradiz Centre. There was huge proccession going on in that area.I decided to poke an Indian with my index finger. He turned around and said ' Whatsup Brother?' Ok , im kidding about that part.. I merely asked him what is going on. Thaipusam or something it turned out to be. I couldn't really bothered with the details though... So we headed on to play pool.On our way back , an ugly bitch asked us for our number... I felt like i was robbed of my number due the the way they approached us. Heck , didnt bother to message back.

On Sunday morning , i listened to Fa Ru Xue then i suddenly was in a down mood. Decided to switch to Shan Hu Hai... that was it... i suddenly felt so... unhappy. I was desperately trying to get people to go out with me. In the end , i managed to get one of my best friends to go eat Suki Sushi and go Kbox with me. Those are the two outlets where i go to cool down... At kbox , i kept selecting Fa Ru Xue and Shan Hu Hai. Lol , sorry lar laine. Then after that we chatted for a while under her block ... about the future and stuff.

As i headed to the bus stop directed by Elaine back home... i started to feel uneasy. I asked myself .. was that it ? Is that the place? I decided to sit down afterall. Suddenly , it just came back to me. Exactly half a year ago , i was on the same bus stop. It was recorded in one of my earlier posts... I decided to just walk back home. On my way back , i thought through alot of things... Why should i always live in my own past? Why can't i just move on? Is it because I simply can't learn to let go? I did make one firm decision that walk back home. Life goes on and i must move on to keep up with life.

Tommorrow Is Valentine's Day but i will still be probably at the dirty warehouse slogging my guts out. Once again, 18th Valentine's Day Spent with me and myself. Sometimes ... i just feel that , perhaps , I am destined to walk my way of life alone. I guess its just because people cant keep up.

Btw.. i never really meant what i said that time... I am sorry.To me , you are still beautiful.

2006-02-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

For me l1b4 i got 16 , l1r5 get 22. I know , its not all that good but at least .. i will be able to go on poly and choose most of the courses.... but after i look through the courses... there are nothing i have a strong interest in. I am stuck at a crossroad , every one is rushing , banging into me as they walk onto the path they chose... but im still there , getting hit by every one while standing at the crossroad.

That aside , im gonna say a few things about the teachers in kranji. To be honest , there was a period of time , i so demoralised that i decided to quit school. The exact cause of this is the teachers in kranji.For a god damned 5 years ... i have labeled a failure. Teachers all told me to drop their subject, others told me to quit school and go ITE. For 5 years... FOR FUCKING FIVE YEARS!! Thanks to those people who were there to supposedly guide me , to educate me , to nuture me. I said supposedly, if i really gave in to what they said , i would really be gone.

If teachers keep labeling me as an useless piece of shit,(Exactly qouted from one teacher), how will i ever really feel like some thing better? They are concerned for me? NO, they merely gave up on me because i was a lost cause. Was i really that useless or are they the culprits to make me who i was?

Now now , if any of those fucking teachers who condemned me , looked at my blog , look at this !! I scored better than many of your favoured students. Thanks to a friend of mine , i woke up in time. 2 weeks before the exam, he told me , 'You are what you believe you are'. It meant a lot from a close friends. So i studied. In 2 weeks, i can get this kind of grades , if only , i didnt get affected by the teachers and worked hard during my 5 years.. i would probably be the one getting the tops. Those people nearly ruined me. I didn't thank them. Why should i thank people that killed my soul , punished me , gave up hope on me and hoping to claim credit when i suceeded?

I am not an ingrate. I just felt that... if i had better teachers who would judge me for who i am and not what i do. If only i had teachers who would care how i really think. I tell you people out there. When i needed encouragement from people , what i got was condemnation. From the people who were there to educate me... I really really hate those people.

But i do appreciate people that stood by me. I really do, because without them , i probably would have given up hope long ago and quitted school. Some day , when i become influential ,i will bring this issue of lousy teachers up.They say teachers will treat every one the same , teach them equally. THATS A FUCKING LIE.

2006-02-09T20:27:00.000+08:00

Working as a warehouse assistant is so so tough... Sometimes .. i just feel like quitting. That is not my character though... i am not a quitter. I will work finish the one whole month.

For the people that could be thinking' Warehouse assistant nia , easy lar'. FUCK YOU. I had to unpack lots of washing machines , refrigerators, arm chairs ,etc etc , check for defects , paste labels before packing them up again.

Today was much easier... carrying bed mattresses and bed frames around. Phew... i slept for 30 mins during lunch break...

Tommorrow is a day where alot of people will cry and cheer all at the same time. I dont think i will feel strongly on either side. My results are always like stocks , you'll never know what they will be until the time is ripe.

2006-02-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

Alright... i will be working tommorrow as an assistant for a month. I probably will still blog very often though. I read through some one's blog and came across this text that i would like to share with others. Some people around me , just gotta to learn to treasure those around them more.

(Taken from http://www.onlysummer.blogspot.com/)
Sometimes, love hurts. But if it doesnt hurt, then it won't be called love. Hold on to the person you love..

Before they slip away.. Or else you can never get them back again

Cherish what you have, once its gone.. you'll never have the chance again.

2006-02-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

Alright, back from the chalet... This chalet isnt exactly fun filled as compared to previous years but it was still good. It was something different. At least for the chalet i was talking to people. Previous chalets , i was always rushing , doing this or that. I learnt that ... well sometimes , you should just relax. I did this chalet .I slept every night! Another first.

Sat ... took cab over with Boon kiat, zi yang and romeo , checked in and... well waited for bbq to start. I didn't bother about the initial start up of the bbq. I tolerated k... sometimes , i shouldnt have all the fun to myself. Still , there were things that people said that kinda make me feel... not comfortable. Some said , wah , why you so selfish one ... wait for ppl to cook for you.. Trust me , i think that ppl should think twice before saying that to me. Some even expected me to help out , because thats what i have always been doing.But i took every thing in my stride until boon kiat gave me a semi raw satay. He said , sure cook 1 lar... then i took 1 big bite .... WTF???!?!!? THATS IT , IM COOKING MY OWN FOOD!! After bbq ... go bath and go mac eat supper and then slack. Slept from 3am to 11am

Day 2. Woke up and lazed around , waiting for jin le to go eat with me. Every one went ahead without us because we were sleeping and could not be woken up. Had lunch and went to arcade. When i went back , every one go cycling le... they come back , time to bbq again.But before that , we went for a short dip in the pool. This time , bobby and i were erm... trying to win over the pit. Haha , eventually bobby got pissed and i had it to myself!! Haha, bbq went pretty smooth. Then it rained so we sat at the porch chatting and playing some games. Then we went out to eat AGAIN at macs after the rain got lighter. Then i went to sleep again.

Woke up , checked out , went to watch i not stupid too and then play lan , eat supper and here i am now blogging. Okok , lets face it , we did some serious gambling and raping. Most brutally abused given to jun hui. Most frequently abused given the boon. We pulled down his pants and went ' SMACK!' down on his naked ass cheeks pretty damn hard. Many times throughout the day. Even when we were in the lift in lot , there was lots of raping going on. I could go on for days about the chalet . it was just a summary.

Sharon READ THIS!

in no particular order,
-list down 3 people you talk to online,
-4 people you see at school,
-2 teachers,
-3 people you love going out with and
-3 people in your sms inbox

1)Jing xiang
2)Elaine
3)Mojo!
4)Sharon
5)Ziyang
6)Nicole
7)Mr Chua
8)Mr Sharsi
9)Boon Kiat
10)Ser Chuan
11)Dean
12)Sebastian
13)Romeo
14)Pelvin
15)Mr Lau

So what do you think of number 4? Really fun to talk to
How would you feel if number 4 slapped you? She wouldn't. Hopefully.
How nice is number 6? Hm... really nice i suppose. Few ppl can tolerate me spamming
On a scale of 1-10,how good looking number 5 is? 10!! DUH!
Will you ever fall for number 11? HELL NO, im not gay!
Honestly, if number 8 met with an accident,what would you do?I would laugh. Serious. And then probably spread the news to people that needs to know.
What sport would you play with number 12? Whatever he sports that does not require height.
What if number 1 got a boyfriend? I would fucking laugh my ass off and tease him forever !
Do you hate number 9? You would hate to love someone like him.
How much do you like number 2? Alot? Great friends for years.
Will 13 and 7 make a good couple? LOL!!!!! HELL YEAH
Would 14 one day kill you? Probably. Very LIKELY
Who do you like more?3 or 10?? Oh my... what a tough choice. Probably 3 , but blood is thicker than water. You get my drift?

Get 5 ppl with blogs to do this thing!
Jingxiang, Ser Chuan , Elaine , Boon kiat, Nicole.

2006-01-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

Steam boat today!!! My sister got pissed with some things me and my elder sis said. Sometimes she just doesnt think on the same wavelenght as both of us. Guess the second child is always born... different.

But hell , it still was fun :p

While waiting for my sis to get back.. IM STARVING

I like this pic best :p

2006-01-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

Hell yeah , I'm back on field, playing the game again. Think you were lucky when i was missing in action? I am back ,rearmed and reloaded. Your nightmare just begins here.

True , i went through one of the darkest part of my life recently , but heck? WHO THE FUCK CARES?? Heh, I am just going to kick all your butts when i get the chance. So what even if become back to who i am really were? All crude , sadistic and totally radical.

Theres no holding back. I thought about what happen recently , why bother holding back in the first place ? If it was meant to happen , all you can do is delay it. Won't you feel even more upset when it ends after you put in so much effort?

Life is selfish. Rather , many people make this world a selfish world to live in. The fellow rats consume each other. Fellow men backstab each other for their own good. The world is in such a mess. So in such a chaotic world like our own , theres no fucking point in trying to be a nice guy. Wanna know why? Because GOOD GUYS ALWAYS LOSE. All along in history , the one who gains the victory is the hero. One who won a war can always write history his way. So whats the fucking point of behing a nice guy and then LOSING?? Dont. Be. A. Loser.

2006-01-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

I think no one ever views this blog ever again so im gonna make it totally personal. More like a diary le bah..

Hm... today just installed air con. So cool eh? Im gonna sleep in the aircon later. Its been ages...

It feels so different... cold , enclosed ,dark and lonely. Depicts my exact feelings right now.

Life is back to normal except those lonely nights that i spend crying away. That is just the night though , when no one sees me. When the sun rises again , im back on my feet , fighting the endless battles of life with that smile and laughter of mine. My heart crys but my face smiles , im a hypocrite.

2006-01-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Updated.

Thank you. That was 5696634 seconds. It started at 12.00.10am. Now , it all ended. For the good or bad , i don't know. You say that its for our good. You say. You think. There was really no me this time round? For the most important one time, i was not included. How great eh?

Yeah , im soooo totally happy.

This blog is gone. Just as gone as i will be.All of you. Delete this blog from your bookmarks. It is all of the past. All gone.

I kept my promise.There will no longer be a trace of what is me this few months anymore. I'll just turn back. Turn back into who i was. Only more convinced .Goodbye. Thanks for filling up that gap in my heart and take smashing it bigger again. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

2006-01-05T06:56:00.000+08:00

For once i thought ' Hey , she'll understand. I suppose i could be free on sun.' I'm totally wrong. I didn't know that you are sick of it. Are you really tired of it? Are you once again influenced by others? Do you no longer trust me? If so , leave me again and I'll wait once again.

Doesn't matter. You hurt me enough for me call myself heartless. You think i don't care? Then i wouldn't be losing sleep. Its about 7am and if you really do know me , know that i don't wake up this early unless I'm losing sleep. You think everything is easy for me. No its not. It really is not. But never mind. If it makes you feel better thinking that way , go ahead. I don't blame you.

You think i am just finding excuses not spend time with you. Go ahead. If your understanding and trust of me is that shallow, so be it.

If you are really tired of me , tired of my absence, then go find some one else who fulfills your needs. I am serious.I don't like being threatened.I don't like people interfering with I planned.I am not a Mr. nice guy. Not all the time.

I am who i am. I may give to you , but i can never change my life for you. Not because i don't want to , but i lack the ability to do so. Seriously, there are things that i tell myself that i will do for you,but very often, i never end up doing them because somethings you do , somethings you say , simply kills my mood and my passion.

Heres a tip for all girls out there. If you truely love a guy and want to be with him , first of all , you need to learn not to hold him back.

2005-12-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

Lets continue from the last post onwards.

I went to the arcade to play ghost squad. Sounds simple eh? Thats when things start to get bad after. Had pizza hut for dinner and the adults wanna go to the casino and the kids have to sleep. So i headed to starbucks to slack.

The venti cafe mocha latte was freaking big. Decided not to waste food for once , in the case beverage, i took a painful 2 hours to finish it. But it gave me a chance to gain insight.

Beside where i sit , theres this little river ride. In the middle of the ride , there are 3 bells placed together where you can strike them with coins. They are named , Health , Love and Wealth. They are placed in that manner , respectively too. I noticed a pattern among people too. During the 2 hours i sat there, i noticed that people always wanted wealth over health and health over love. The funny thing was that there was only 1 person who hit the love bell and it was a kid. Why is that between those 3 things , people always choose wealth and when they miss , they just keep throwing and throwing? Most people dont even give the love bell a heck. Is love really not that important?

I was so disheartened. But i suddenly noticed three kids beside me playing. They were playing 205.But instead of slaps and whacks , they replaced it with kissing and they are still equally happy , if not happier. I realised , when we played 205 , we are happy when we whack others. We derive happiness from some one's suffering. Why have we all become like that? The kids actually know how to be happy by making others happy. Are we 'adults' less mature than those children? They say ignorance and maturity never comes together. However , those little kids that we claim to be naive and ignorant are actually more mature than us in that sense. If only the world would to replace violence with love. It would be a better place to live in for sure. I no longer believe in' Violence is needed to bring about peace'. Thats a stupid idealogy that is popularised by the US and gundam.

Midnight was the highlight. After that mega big cup of coffee, i had to pee , badly. Bad mistake. I went into the toilet beside Burger king. I was washing my hands when this fucker came along.

He: Hi , how old are you?
Me: 17
He: Where are you from?
Me: Singapore
He: Oh , you have a girlfriend?
Me: (Ignores this personal question)
He: Had sex before?
Me: No.
He: Tried Oral sex before
Me: No.
He: Hey , whats the colour of your underwear?
Me: (Gives the WTF face.) Can't remember , gotta go
He: Show me lar...
Me: (Runs faster than lightning out of the toilet)

(Bumps into a crazy dude)
He:Hey, want a girl? Feel free to take a look , free 1.
Me:No.(Still shocked from just now)
He:Or you want to earn some money? Very easy one. You so yan dao.
Me: ( WTF is wrong with these ppl face)(Runs away)

(Goes to bumper car ride, waiting in queue)
(Girl walks up and sat beside me)
Me:(Looks decent. Better not look any more , later boyfriend which is not present whacks the fuck outta me)
She: Hey, you here alone?
Me: Yeah, my parents went gambling
She: Wanna go my room have some fun?
Me: Erm... Sorry .. No , im have to rush back to meet my parents.
She:( Gives the dissed off face and walks off)

( Had fucking enough shocks. 1am, walking back to resort hotel via shortest route which is totally deserted)
(Chao Ah lian walks up)
She: Want sex? 100 only. Got room
Me : (Ignores. Walked faster and faster till a certain point where i ran all the way back)

Notes to ppl going genting soon:
1)Don't go to public toilets unless totally needed at night.
2)You'll meet lots of friends of the same sex if you take rides alone.All of us in the same boat, abandoned by parents who are in the casino
3)You'll get lots of pretty girls to sit with you as long as you ask. ( It worked for me)
4) The food sucks.
5)NEVER EVER hang out after mid night especially alone.
6)NEVER EVER even go out alone if you are a girl.

2005-12-28T13:11:00.000+08:00

Right... so here i am , at genting. Im bored like fuck. The weather is cold , the food sucks and i dont have first class hotel. So im sianz 1/2. Lets recount all the way back from the 23rd.

23rd. Went to watch king kong with some one. After which i met up with boon and shermaine to play pool. Kinda sucks. Bad day , boring day. So i went to stay at boon house but suddenly remembered i had lots of stuff to do the next day. So i went back by 5am

24th. Met up with aaron and sririam. Wee , they are finally back in singapore and we finally get to meet up. We played abit of soccer , went to plaza singapura to eat and then headed to play pool. It was cool playing with them. Then around 5pm i met up with that special some one. Headed to eat at MOS burger. The food there is freaking small. But anyway, those guys left us and its only me and her. Headed down to esplanade watched the beautiful lights at the bay. We even took a little ride on the bum boat down the river. Had a bit of fun before heading back. I really enjoyed myself but...

25th
Woohoo, bbq with jing , vr , mojo , dean and zs! Elaine even came for a while to pay us a little visit. Had lots of fun shopping for the food and everything , its been ages since we last had such fun. So we ate and ate all the way till christmas was over.It was just a small bbq but it sure was fun. So , we went back to my room after clearing up the helluva lot of mess to play UNO- Hairy fucker edition. Haha , they went back in the early morning though.

26th , played DOTA with them again. Yes, i bummed out of the gym trip. Im one lazy pig but i sure look fitter than any one of you out there. :p jkjk , dont challenge me to anything that will prick my ego. After which , massive packing at home. Woo, the least things i packed for quite some time , just a small bag of clothes. So i left for genting at night. The coach was awesome. 20 seater with ample leg space. There were even a mini lcd flat screen tv that we can use to watch movies , mtvs and play games. I watched a few mtv and intial d and 1 dunno what movie. Lol. i even took a video and a few pics with my phone. Damn , i forgot the bring the digital cam.
But i didnt really sleep. Some one knows why and i wont bother explaining.

27th. Reached genting the early morning. Friggin' cold if ya ask me. Walked round and round waiting for the theme park to open. I finally got rid of my fear of heights i suppose. Had a little bit of rides , headed back to hotel room at 2pm to get some shut eye. woke up at 5 , went to eat pizza then took rides again. By 10, my family all wanted to sleep already. So i hanged on. Walked around aimlessly thinking about stuff till 1am. I swear i will never come to genting again. you see couples all around the place so happily taking the ferris wheel, river rides and huggling together in the cold. But what about me? Haiz... life for me is just never good when it comes to relationships. I just feel so cold. Not my physical shell but my soul.

28th. Woke up , ate macs and just hanged around , took a few rides and now i am here playing computer games and typing this uber long post , while waiting for her to be online. But it appears that ... nothing that has to do with relationships has gone right for me ever since i met her like 2 years ago.

Its long, i know , but i have nothing to do. No one to think of. No one to hold me.

On the bright side though , there are quite a few quality girls around. Lol , but i cant really go make friends. I already have enough troubles as it is.

2005-12-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

Slept at 5 last night. Why? Photoshop TIME!! Lol , you heard my right , i decided to pick up photoshop once again. Warning huge load time. Forgive me k?

Tentacles. Look melvyn this is for ya. I will do tentacle porn to fulfill your fantasy some day... Yeah right ... you dream on.

My heart when you said, you dont feel a thing no more.

Drip drip drip, thats the sight on the floor when you pierced my heart.

Woohoo! , Lets go fly kite!

In commemoration of the tsunami.
THIS IS THE GRAND FINALE !!

Before

After.

2005-12-09T11:08:00.000+08:00

Its been a while. I don't seem to be around too much eh. It's because I got my hands full. Let me recap what i learnt since O levels ended.

First off , I realised ... i seldom placed myself in the some one else's position. Almost next to never. I always thought people that who cried , who are anguished , who are depressed , having sucidal thoughts because of not being with the people that they love are simply pussies. I am sorry , but i got rid of that mentality. Im sorry for at laughing, ridiculing , getting fed up and stuff at you all. It was because i never understood the pain you all felt. But now , i really do.

I always wondered why people should feel that way. It was because i took things for granted. I never thought my friends would eventually leave me, i would be constantly away from the people that had a place in my heart. True , all of you said ,' Lets keep in contact' but how many of you will really make the effort? True , you told me ' I will try my best to spend time with you' but can you reall afford to do so? The future looks pretty bleak.

Secondly , i learnt how you can learn to hate your job. I always thought a job was just a job , you wont exactly hate it anyway. Terrible mistake. Ever since i took up the job at minitoons , i realised that i didnt look forward to going to work , time passed so slowly. How i missed merchant court. At least it was interesting back there. Time flew by. I promised my self , i would never ever get another job that i would hate. If i dont like it , i will leave, dont stay for the sake of being scared others saying you CMI. Its better to eat humble pie rather than suffer a long period of time.

Last but not the least, i learnt how people change. Despite acting cool and everything when changes appear , deep thought , i always thought friends would always be friends , their friendship would never die so easily , they will be always who they are. But im wrong , all wrong. No matter how i try and try to make things like what they were before, its impossible. Even i have changed alot. From the cranky , happy go lucky me in lower sec , to the sec 3-4 me that was extremely skeptical and sinister. Eventually i became who i am now, some one who has been hurt , bruised but willing to take on the world again. I learnt many lessons the hard way. I may have become more shrewd, cunning , wary , cautious , alert and sensitive but now , i learnt how to really care for people. Because , i wanna be cared for.

2005-12-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

Oh great. A one week break. Might as well take up the offer. To really think through about the future. For the whole of last month , im pretty stressed up anyway. Lots and lots of stuff to think through. Where do i go after this, what do i do during the long holiday ,finish up all the stuff that i put off for months.

On top of all that , i have a duty to fulfill , a promise to keep that will like take away all my remaining time. God damn it , i dont even have time for maple story. I checked my Xfire program and it says : Maple Story , Played for less than 1 hour for the last week . This shows how deprived of games im suffering from.

Oh , not to mention the lack of sleep. I used to hand over the com to my sis at 9pm or so then watch some tv because getting myself to sleep to wake up 11am the next morning. Talk about a relaxed lifestyle. But it has all changed. Even my eyebags are getting bigger daily. Im vain. Duh...

My work starts tommorrow as well. Its part time but i work from 2pm- 10pm , not exactly part time right? Oh well. Things have changed greatly for me, no longer will life be that simple.I am leaving Kranji.I do have worries.Like i said before a fews posts before ,there are people and things i will miss.

We all grow and things change, we just have to grasp the harsh facts of reality. Probably just like anyone , im struggling in my teenage life. Oh , forget that nonchalant act i put in front of everyone else. I just seldom show my emotions to any one. It takes a real friend to really get through the skin of my life.

I guess , people not in my shoes will never understand me.But then again , who would successfully be able to put themselves in my shoes?

By the way , I didn't go with you because I'm really tired.I will think through about it,i really should i guess.

2005-12-01T13:11:00.000+08:00

It was fun. Haha , but im really not into pictures so i have only have a few pictures. I think i still got a few with the other guys. Gotta wait till they are online. So these are the few that i got. Im starting to think. I really do miss school , i do miss every one. Is the end or a new beginning? What will the future hold for us? But oh well , might as well have fun during this 3 months. Lazy to blog. A picture is worth a thousand words. So i think I got more than 3000 words today.

Taken at the lobby.

Taken with Rishah. Lighting was pretty bad but it turned out alright.

Dude , stop shaking the camera. Lol , I never imagined that i would take a pic with siqi. Lol. Besides , this was one of the very few pictures that i was not in the background or caught with my eyes closed.

2005-11-24T19:43:00.000+08:00

Day = Ruined. For a long time , i try and i try. On the phone , off the phone , sms ,msn and any other methods. I tried to put that smile back on your face.However, it all lasts only momentarily.

Are you happy ? No you are not. Why are you not happy? It is because you refuse to be happy. Why is it that no one understands you ? Its because you refuse to let others do so. Why is it that no one seems to care? Its because you push them away when they tried to.

Its not like Im giving up hope. But im weary , im really exhausted. Sometimes , i wish that things were just like before. Like before , when i no longer would open a msn chat box with you , yet not even type a single word to you. Like before , where things were much simpler.

How could i help you , when you dont tell me anything? It only makes me tired , dispirited. Aghz... forget it , i lost my sanity today.

2005-11-16T12:52:00.000+08:00

So i was sitting on my butt playing maple story but my mind simply couldn't concentrate , i kept letting the lorangs hit me. Normally , i would have been pissed at myself for being so noob. Today , I felt... Numb. My mind was on something else. 11:07am. Hm... it has been almost 2 hours. Will it really take that long ? Is everything all right? Should i verify?

I asked myself , ' Keep calm. What is the correct thing to do?'. The angel told me ,' Be nice , just wait. The truth will come to light when fate decides so.' The devil then said, 'Hey dude , you are Peng Yu. Wait ? Is that the kind of lame shit you are? Wait and Worry? Hell no. Fuck it and just get some one down to check it out.'

Hm...I felt so tempted to obey the Devil in me. Yet my heart was screaming out loud for me to stop. I should do the correct thing. If the person refuses to tell me , there should be a good reason for it. By ethics , that is the correct way to do it. By calling some one to go find out the truth , i may some how spoil the fun for that person. At the same time , i also do not wish to find out the truth. What if the truth is as i expected? Would i be hurt ?

Then again the devil said , ' Hey , that sures beats being the nervous wreck you are now. Wait till i take a picture of how freaking retarded you are behaving now and show it to others.'

Should i for once , listen to the angel? I decided to after all.Because i do not want to hurt the other person. At least , i believe that the person would eventually tell me the truth. The truth always hurt less when its from the person involved.

2005-11-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time. I think i would do well. I studied a bit. I finished almost all the questions. But there are times when things just dont go your way. You never know when life might just lash back at you. When you think every thing is going to be fine , it smacks you in the face, causing you to lose everything. I just hope my life does not hit a wall here.

Graduation? Sometimes , i just feel like leaving. I feel that way because things have changed , people that really cares about me have long gone to new grounds. The people around me , sometimes , i trust them , but i am still wary.I no longer want to be held by rules.

Is leaving that good ? Sometimes , i do look back and realise i will miss those days i hanged out with my classmates , my friends. Will i ever lay my hands on another basketball? Will i ever get involved in another whackfest? Will our jokes still be funny? What will become of us ? Where would we go? Would our fragile friendship withstand the test of time?

But i understand , its time to leave , to move on.

Looking back at my past , my diary , my archives , i realised i changed. From some innocent kid who cares all about fun , i changed. I changed into a cynical , cold hearted , ruthless person who wont give 2 hoots about that dying old lady by the road. Perhaps thats what they call maturity, to prepare us for the cruel society ahead. Thanks for the people who made me this way.

Still , i would love to thank the people that made me feel that there is still a purpose in life. First off , my family. Though they often act like they don't care , giving me alot of trouble, some how , i am who i am due to them.

Next ,Ser Chuan , Mojo , Jing , Vye , Mel , Elaine , Zi yang and the whole of extended family of smac gang. I feel so happy whenever i hang out with you all. Its like ... i feel at ease , at peace and for some reason , you guys were always there with me. You people have made an impact in my life that is meant to stay in my heart.

My classmates. True , there are times i dislike the things you all do. But deep down in my heart, i have never once hated you all for long. The joyful and sad times that we spent together, it will be remembered for years to come. I apologise for being a drag in class and often doing things that you all may not understand , things that you all dislike.

The other people who have in a way made my life a better one, Thanks. Chun yan, for tagging my board , at least i feel theres a point in blogging and some one concerned about my uninteresting life. Summer , for every time i chat with you , you tend to cheer me up. The list is endless , even that stranger in maple story that gave the happy face to me today , you made me happier too.

But of course , theres one person that really makes a big difference to my life. You know who you are and i all i want to say is thank you and sorry for anything thing i have done to make you unhappy.

2005-10-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

Exactly 4 weeks since my last update. Lets talk about some fun stuff that happened to me. Recently , i keep hanging out with a close friend of mine so everytime go out mah. The funny thing is that people mistake us as couple. Lol , not that it really bothered me. In actual fact ,its actually quite fun anyway.Its embarrassing when you get caught when you are really a couple sometimes but its simply hilarious when its a mistake at least it was to me.

So my mother has got me a new phone. Nokia 7260. A new phone , a new life. For one , it sparked an arguement with my mum and Er jie less than 12 hours it was brought back home. It was also the thing to wake me up every morning thanks to a good friend of mine. I am not bothered by it, really!

But i do feel bad lar... cos that day my mum say she want to go buy for me , i didn't accompany her and let her face that Singlish-speaking , money grubbing typical Nokia Salesman. I said i was too tired. Actually i was really tired. I have to get quite alot of sleep recently.

Now talking with my Er Jie on msn. I suppose its easier to communicate on mns rather than face to face.

2005-10-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

It has almost been 3 weeks... recently , i screwed up my prelims as usual.However that is not something very significant.

Recently , i looked at the new laws regarding blogging.To me , those laws are pretty senseless. Some people say singapore is a democratic country. I would rather call this new age communism that the government has made us to think of it as democracy. Why say so, simple. We can't express our thoughts even online even though they are just thoughts? If i type on the computer saying that i am going to kill some one , does it mean i am going to really kill some one ?

Bleahz, our mouths are zipped , our eyes closed , our ears are stuck , our noses are clogged. We see , smell , sense and say nothing that the government doesn't want us to. The long arm of the law has stolen our senses. They are simply injecting ideas and philosophies into our head in the name of democracy , law and other stupid reasons that has no valid reasons. If there is really some good reason , please at least show it to us citizens. We hear that this thing is good and that thing is good but we seldom see results let alone edvidence that it is even good in the first place. The government needs to be even more transparent for many people like to be convinced.

Some people say , then get out of this country. Well .. i dont feel like it and i got a good reason not to. A country is made up people and i am part of it. It is also part of me.A country is not even a piece of civilisation without people and who elected the government? Well.. despite beind a recognized member of the society , i do not remember having any say in how MY country runs. Yes , that is my country , it belongs to me and every other Singaporean. At least that is what they tell us when they need us to join the army to help other countries that has slighted us or killed our countrymen.

Sounding more and more like communism? Theres more.Like the communist states , we are forced to enlist as soldiers. Some people say its only two years but let me remind you thats 2 years in our prime. Its as precious as half of your 2 balls. Not only that , should there be a war caused by some stupid politicians up there , we have to take up our arms and fight for them. Not for my country but for them. I say so is because the problem would be caused by them.Ooooo.. communism is really starting to show itself.

By the way , this online law about racism and blogging issues is one of most ridiculous things the government has done. I mean , come on, racism has become so common that it became a culture. If i make a racist remark and my that guy who is bearing the brunt of the joke is ok with it and thinks its funny too , why should i get arrested? How about blogging then? Why should i get arrested when what i post is a property of a company that is not in singapore? Shouldn't the internet be a free man's land ? From daily conversations with siblings or close friends to blogging on the internet , any thing we say we don't like abou the government is 'wrong' and prone to be illegal . What next ? will they start making machines to start probing at our thoughts and start arresting people?

The government has to change and fast. Oh yeah , arrest me if you want to, i had enough of stupidity in some places. Life just isn't fair. When i get to vote when im older , its definitely the old beggar at the yishun underground passage. He seems to possess more intelligence ,experience and common sense than many of the 'brains' up there.

2005-09-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes , I just lose my temper once in a while. Want to know the interesting story behind it? Why not let you know ? Ok .. Here it goes... Today during the break between the two prelims paper , i merely said jason sit my place wrongly jokingly. Wieming already told me my place before that ... That bloody fat arse can't take a joke ? So he raised his volume on me , well well... I'm known for my words that hurt more than a papercut. So he lost me , duh. Then he started to resort to physical violence. OMG , i wonder how can such a person become a prefect in the first place.

No matter what , he shouldn't have attacked me physically. If i were mean , i could have reported him , made a big issue out if it , make him lose his prefect status and then make sure he get punished before telling my parents to make a report against him.Compare a guy so heavy that the weighing machine cant measure and a 55kg guy like me , who will appear to be the bully ? On top of that , there was so many withnessess. Getting people into shit so deep that they can't even crawl out is my specialty.

Of course ... I am not such a mean person as people who TRUELY know me will know. Hence , i gave a him slight prod that caused him to lose balance and crash into others. Now now , he was starting to turn real violent until Jun Hui stopped him. He was lucky to be stopped. Trust me. When i really get injured , especially physcially , i get real mean. Yeah I am pissed. Lol , don't get me wrong , I am not pissed at him as a person. I am pissed at his attitude.

Always act like one big shot in school scolding people and bullying the little kids. Throwing his weight around all the time. Yes, literally TOO. Note the ' Too'. However all the freaking times he reported me , i always got off scot-free because he simply catches people for the sake of catching people. Not to mention , he is does not even have freaking rank in the prefectorial board. I am not trying to be mean , but its been 6 years he have been in there. A whole bloody 6 years and still no achievements? If i were him , i would have quitted or simply stayed low profile. He's always making a fool of himself by shouting at kids who probably don't even know whats right and whats wrong.

Just control his temper and stop yelling at people , stop turning abusive when losing a verbal arguement and he would be a much nicer guy. I could ignore the backstabbing part of him ,i really could. Hm.. well , i am totally aware of him not being to read my post though , but im sure the message will get to him through the prowlers of my blog , who contantly visits my blog like a shrine just in hope to sabotage me or backstab me. Believe it or not , such people exists and i pity them. Claiming to hate me behind my back in front of others , acting like my friend in my face and then still worshipping my blog.

Don't worry ,i will still be talking to him. I am not such a petty person unlike alot of people that i know that are like that around me. Are you sad that you found nothing useful that you can make use of to stab me in my back today? Well sorry.. i will look into that and provide you some new gossips and stuff that can be used against me sometime soon. Just keep worshipping my blog. I will post something like that soon. Sorry that you made a wasted trip today.

This post is proudly brought to you by Peng Yu™

2005-09-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i posted i suppose.Sorry to everyone. Regardless of whether you truely care about me , entertained by my blog or simply come to see me ridicule people like you , I am sorry.

These few days have been pretty screwed up. Design and technology is gnawing my time away.Prelims are coming.I had no time to blog. But today , i shall sacrifice a few hours of my sleep just to blog because i feel very disturbed.

A week ago or so , during a D&T night class , i pratically argued with the class about our (Yes, humans) existence. Call me stubborn if you wish , but I am not about to stop seeking truth until i find it.

So i decided to look up some stuff in the books and internet about life and death. However the death of human seems so inevitable. Most probably i would not see the extinction of our species , but eventually it will happen and i hope to see it. Hey , don't get me wrong , I don't hope for destruction and besides i still want to find about how humans were created in the first place.

Take a look at this link: http://www.exitmundi.nl

Awfully true and it has even addressed some of my predictions as to how the world would end. At times like this ,i feel so helpless. No matter how hard we work , eventually , there will be an end.

For example the Oil Crisis. Centuries of hardwork we pathetic mortals spent into developing Oil-Bases Technology will all be put to waste. The government has given nothing but empty words to solve this issue. Even as i am typing this post , I am wasting fuel. Try as we might , the world will just eventually collapse. At times like this , i feel so helpless that i feel like committing sepukku is the only way out.

Either that or kill a freaking lot of people. If i could , i would never let more than 1 million man live. Yes , I am crazy , but trust me , the world out there is even crazier. Ok... end of today's crazy post, but just for people that actually care , i am still not feeling better inside me.

2005-08-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

Lets talk about GunZ first. Rejoice FPS fans ,this game is one of a kind and its online. However in terms of feel and game balance , CS is still the best. The only thing that is extremely remarkable about this game is the ultra realistic graphics , and the ability to play the game in your own style. So I was playing with sharon peacefully , until out of a sudden , boon kiat came into the same game.I was like omg , why is he here? Not only does he wants to play 2 v 1 , which is me versus him and sharon , he keeps whining about my armour... duhz... my armour is almost identical as his. But anyway , back to the story. Lets cut the chase shall we ? I owned him. Even though he kept coming with his backstabbing , gangbanging and other cheap methods , he lost. Bleahz , it was like this 2 years back in CS , it is still like this now.

Any way people who have found my blog offensive , seriously , fuck off. I don't fucking give a shit about what you think. Well, that is except that case about the link section which one of my classmate brought up.Yeah , after looking at it for some time , i find it unappopriate as well.Don't worry i will change it to something nicer when i have the time. All ican think of now is ' People in kss that would give a fuck about.' Now .. isnt that worse? Probably i will do a better post tommorrow.

2005-08-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

So i was thinking .... should i or should i not post?Should i or should i not hurl insults? After thinking for millisecond , my reasoning was totally crushed by my instincts , by the time i realise what was happening, i was on the new post page. So i thought , since i am here , why not ?

First off, to settle some old issues.Look at my previous post, i believed many of you felt like you were one of them mentioned didn't you? Let me tell you the truth then , i am not 'scolding' any one in particular. True , they were modelled after some people that i know. However, well , since i get like at least a few msn confronts and daily face to face confrontation, THAT GUY ISN'T you.But think about this, if you weren't such a person , why would you get so bothered by it? If it is the truth , all the more why should you get angry with me for pointing out the truth? Oh , i believe some of the higher intellect people around may say , But the truth hurt right? Well well , indeed that is true , but if you are not here to look at the truth, why bother coming to my blog?So now , since i explained myself clearly, stop messaging me in msn. Rather take the time to go reflect on yourself.

Next , this regards wieming. I believe there needs to be some explanations for the people who lack intellect out there.First of all , yes , despite some flaws in his characters , i still treat him as a friend.I do disagree with some things that he does.But if you people must be that foolish to say that since i treat him as a friend ,I am always on his side and hence i can not be your friends , so be it.For goodness sake, i don't follow my friends blindly. I follow my heart, i do what i think is right , i reject what i think is wrong. So now what, being friends with him does not mean that i am automatically like him. Sadly , thats a stupid mentality that many people have in Kranji. Oh yeah so you wanna say , when in doubt of a person's character, look at his friends. So look at your friends , do they say everything if anything about your character? I believe not. Isolation does not work on strong people. It only works on weak people. So go ahead , isolate me because of the friends i choose and prove me stronger. People got to learn to follow their heart and mind , not always blindly follow whatever other people is doing. Of course if you are still willing to accept me as friend even though i have a friend you all dislike , i would glady to take a friend like you.

Next come loyalty. If i would stop befriending him just because every one dislikes him , do i really still have loyalty? Yet you all preach about loyalty so much, yet at the same time try to coerce others to betray their sense of loyalty.So what are you really? A hypocrite? A hypocrite keeps saying that you don't like hypocrites? Ironic isn't it?

Lol , don't think im isolating myself , I am just keeping my promise of loyalty to a friend. If that has caused you all to lose faith in me, well... just think of this , if the same situation happened to you , would you want me to keep my promise of loyalty then?

This post is indeed thought-provoking eh? I know it may sound lenghty. But please take a second view. Many of you i believe won't exactly get i am trying to prove but please, just for this once , understand my entire post before assuming anything. Many misunderstandings have indeed been caused by blog because people dont understand and they assume.Not only that , but people make use your lack of understanding to try to cause rifts. Please understand the whole thing before making any assumptions.

2005-08-09T19:23:00.000+08:00

So.. you guys are wondering what i am doing these few days ? But of course ,i had enough fun condemning morons. Let me show you what i have done the past few days

1)Finished up my link section.
2)Learnt how to play zelda and mario music on the piano
3)Picked up photoshop once again. ( The school IT Programme teaches nuts)
4)Did some drawings.
5)Finding people to do a collab flash project

First , lets talk about the flash project. I hope to create a flash movie by gathering talents from the various fields : Macromedia Flash , Adobe Photoshop , Music composers. No , the things you learnt in school are not good enough. I'm looking for people with skills and the school IT programme teaches you to draw things like a box , a circle and a triangle on photoshop.

Next , why i want to learn photoshop? Because there are not much decent photoshop out there in singapore. If no one can do a proper drawing , even if i got the best flash professionals around , nothing nice would be achieved. I just started learning photoshop though.

Interested? Take a look at my drawings under misc. section.If you can do alot better than that , probably you are the guy or girl im looking for.Mind you , it took me less than 12 hrs to learn and draw those stuff.

Edit: NONONO , you should never download them, these are created for specific ppl only... All you can do is see them on my blog unless i sent it to you via msn. But definitely my good friend ziyang will surely receive each drawing because... well , i trust his judgement. lol

2005-08-04T17:08:00.000+08:00

So... ARE YOU READY !??! Its time to give out yet another award today. This guy is totally stunning. Out of the 5 awards given out, this guy has already snagged 2 of them. One being the champion ranking the other being this award that is going to be given out as of now. Now that i got your interest, let me annouce the next award.

And for the most annoying internet user award , the winner is none other than Mr Bamboo stick once again. Right... lets dig up some dirt about this annoying bugger shall we?My personal vexation is the way that person types. Example:(i lUb U , u luB Me , wE ArE ONe BiG FaMiLy.)Don't ask me about the barney song. It just came to me. I am not only chafed at his annoying alternate caps , the digusting English makes me want to tear my hair out.

Alright, lets talk about something new for a change.Today's PDP talked about why we marry. So what do you guys look out for in a girl or a guy? For me , its definitely the inside. First off , she must have intillegence not way below me , secondly , she must be hardworking with a big heart. Third , willing to open up to me. Fourth , decent looking. DOnt have to be super chio or w/e , just so long as i dont vomit. Simple expectations indeed, but few girls are like that.

It's a shortie today but really , whats the point if people don't read or don't understand?Any way Today's Award was brought to you by AMA( Anti- Morons Association). Pronouce Anti as An-tie , not An-tee. Bah... but i would be better off saying An-tee in school since not much people knows exactly how it is pronounced(They will probably think im speaking a new language) . See ? I do good things for the society once in a while.

2005-08-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Phew , tag board is down, the remaining other boards out there doesnt work my skin. I believe that http://tag-board.com had enough of morons.
Let me give a insight on the latest news regarding the most active idiots around.

Ranking No. One on the list is a bamboo stick. That stick goes around flaming people leaving an alias behind , ending with an X. So who is this mysterious person ? No one knows for sure. However we all know , he thinks his english is so darn good that he now issuing a challenge to some one who is around my level. However , i seriously he barely can win me(In actual fact, he has not). He gets decent grades, so what ? Theres no feelings in whatever he writes , all he wants is marks. Disgusted by such behaviour.How great can a work be great if there it does not depicts your real feelings? Trying to hard to win some one , yet losing the perfect medium to potray his feelings.Has he really won? Well , its up for himself to think.

Next , coming just a inch behind the Champion is the legendary eavesdropper. Ah... the good ole classic asshole. Stupidly scheming , all his plots have failed to date. However , his talent , or rather , the lack of it must not be overlooked. He loves to act as if he is doing his stuff innocently while listening intently to you what ever you are saying so he might be able to fabricate a new story. Indeed , the one of a kind story teller. BE WARNED.

Not far behind comes in the undisputed fat ass. Like the first runner - up , she is good at eavesdropping , but definitely loves to spread it just as well. Oh yeah baby , she the most unexpected person you will expect to do such things. Need to hear a bitch bitch around? Well well well , you may have found the perfect person. Acting innocent likewise is another great skill of hers. But unlike the first runner-up , she aint as good as acting. Failure.

Woah , so you got the latest news on the 3 hottest pieces of shit around? As a friend , let me tell you something . Don't ever play with shit. Especially when they THINK they have brains.

Next up , is the special commendation awards. For the following days , more awards might be given out.

Todays special commendation belong totally to the Mr BIG THUMB.
Why big thumb? Simple , this guy simply love to act as if he is sleeping. THE WORD IS ACT. Why i say so eh? Take a look at him next time. Its pretty obvious that he is acting. Either that or he doesnt have brains at all. Not a single neurotical cell at all.When he sleeps , he uses a pencil , pen to support his head. Lets be a bit more scientific more here. How the hell can a human's head be so strong to support all that weight of his head and neck on the tip of a pen ? Even if it did not cause a blood clot , it should at least make a big dent on his head.So whats this big thumb issue you ask ? Good question. Notice he uses his thumbs to support instead? Now now , this is even more illogical. Besides the issues i have previously mentioned , how can his thumb support his head? So its pretty obvious its all an act. And why is it that he is able to wake up the moment captain planet is mentioned ? Pretty fake eh ?

Oh, also did i mentioned that the champion of the awards can give a really fucked up face when he is pissed? Woah , its so fucked up you wonder how can any mortal do it. It seems like mediacorp's star awards eh? Actually it is just a modified online version for the idiots.OOps , was it you i just mentioned? Oh.... im so so so sorry, i just made all this up , i didn't realise you were like that too. Then again , if you are really so , why should i bother apologising? Not happy? Get lost , no one told you to view my blog. Besides i seriously doubt you will understand it at all.

This post is dedicated to my loyal fans and friends alike(though there are not much).

2005-07-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

Stoned.Yeah , often you see me stoning. At least im thinking. Not like some people i know who stone and even their brains turn to stone too.

Perhaps its maybe i always give this kind of look during lessons that no one thinks im listening. Especially maths.I do listen but i do get sick of my teacher who goes on and on repeating the same old shit. I don't know why , despite telling her the answers and assuring her i really know to do, she still bugs me. There are so many ppl out there who dont have a freakin clue lor. Why pick on me? So today , she ask me to go do maths and not go for recess. So i said.NO FOOD , NO WORK. Yup, didnt eat during recess.

Sometimes i wonder , are humans really stupid or what? They spent their entire lifetime studying. Yet , they dont like studying at all. Then why study ? Many of them study so they can have a comfortable life. Some study to become rich. So what if they got the best jobs , the highest pays , being the richest men? So what if they are considered the high class society people? SO WHAT ? Eventually , we all die and all our materialistic things will be left on this mortal world. So what what do we gain in the end? Our descendants fighting over the inheritance? Is there any purpose ?

Really , some people out there , should really go think about why they are studying.Really , if i had my way , had the ability to turn back time, i would try to study harder. I believe i would really be happy if i could follow my dreams.And that is to be a lawyer. So many poor honest people out there can't afford to hire lawyers , yet so many rich fat bastards out there could hire the top-notch lawyers to get them out of any sticky situation.Is there any justice left in this world?If i could , i would help those people as much as i could , to fight for what i think is right. And if i really do become rich , perhaps i will retire to a small village by the beach in some remote area. Teach the kids there more things so they can fend for themselves. Yeah , i believe in doing social work. But life is so hectic , i barely have time to even listen to my self.

On top of all , i don't read newspaper or books because i want to 'improve' my english. Its just that i have a hunger for knowledge. Then why don't i study in school? Pretty obvious eh ? The teachers tell me the same thing over and over and over again that i got so sick of them that i don't feel motivated to listen to their lesson ever again.

But then again, to be more realistic lar ,i would rather work to become and interior designer , an army officer, or possibly take up business. Still havent decide on what course to take. But all those are my passion except joining the army. Its simply so that i can protect the things i love. That includes that special some one , my family and of course the many many other things that are important in my life.

Note of the day: I wonder how many people can actually comprehend what i write.

2005-07-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

So i sat at the bus stop.One , two , three , four , so on and on until the 19th taxi. Then the bus came.Life can be so ironic.Just a few days ago, i was looking for a taxi and 3 buses came by and no taxis. So at taxi 15 , i stretched out my legs, thinking .... some random thoughts. That includes me killing some one with a pencil , a axe dropping from the sky and many other funny stuff. So i dreamt and dreamt until some old man rode his bicycle over my feet. OMG, TEH PAIN>!. So i sat up and the bus came. Tell me , what should i be feeling. All i felt was void. Simply emptiness.

Perhaps this is the result of living in such a violent and stupid world. That pain and stupidity was simply nothing compared to what i face each day.

Lost is the best way to describe my feeling for today. I feel so lost today.Totally devoid of feelings.Again like i said, living continously in a unfeeling world can rip those feelings off me.

STUPIDITY KILLS.

2005-07-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

Wasted a day of my life playing gunbound. Damn those people... i hit them they should ' Mai Cibai la' Wtf language is that. Kill them they say , 'Tyco 1 lar , come kill me again lar'. Win the game ,they scream ' Aimbot user !! F off !!'

hm.. reminds me of some ppl i know. HAd long john silver combo 1 plus 1 chicken and upsize of drink as usual for dinner. Should have been jogging this afternoon.Should be studying now. Really ,im so great at making plans , but i always fail to follow up.Gotta go sleep soon or sth. 5 days of battle starting in only 8 hrs from now.

Remember life is good. After that 5 days , i get 2 days off again. I mean , who has it better than i do ? Wahahahahaha... At least now i got mojo and jing to play gunbound with me. No longer only , zi yang play with me. Sheesh. I wonder if my blog is going to cause more misunderstandings or shed more light on the truth. People really love to use my blog as a representation that i hate every one. Duh... get this clear. YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANY CONCRETE EDVIDENCE IN MY BLOG THAT I HATE SOME ONE. I will never hate people , but then again ,maybe yes, you will never know. Lets just say , there are more effective words out there to use.

2005-07-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

Sat, today is really relaxed away.Finished up what i supposed to do also already 5pm liao , then go walk around , buy some stuff for myself. Chocolate Classico from Four Seasons. Pretty expensive for a cake lar , but i really felt like eating it. But i didnt eat everything wor, i left like half a piece for my sister. Reached home at around 9 or so? Rot rot rot until now , until my sister finally go to sleep.

So... every thing is back to normal. D&T Project only left the folio that i need to worry about.Going to start studying already . At least 5 hours a week bah... Mai slack liao , must quick quick study well , go to Tp or Sp go see chio bu. Kranji is like so .... yucks. After melvyn and the freaking gang is gone , its kinda boring. Those sec 1-4 i cant even be bothered to talk to them. And the sec 5s , well... just lack of chemistry.Really , i got nothing against them. Perhaps just they lack something or i lack something that is required between our communication.

And ... Damn, mojo's manga is with me for so long , i better return to him. Kinda forogt about it...Until yesterday he gave me some sort of fucked up reply when i asked sth about melvyn then i remember.Mojo, melvyn may be a hooker , but please dont bring it up too often :p.

Any way , life's great.Back to the good ole me. Why bother laughing or smiling when you freakin dont feel like it ? No one appreciates manners or courtesy any more. At least where i study at now. Intellectual Sacarsm is not some thing 'In' any more , its those freakin crude jokes thats at work now.

Also , people that use vulgarities without knowing their meaning is so so gross.When i scold them incestous bastard or friggin moron, they start saying , Chee Bye Lar (Vagina lar in hokkien). OMG , how weird could that get? Or when i say dont fuck around with me, they say , fuck your lan jiao lar ( Fuck your penis). Again OMG, how could you fuck your penis??? Ah... hokkien vulgarities do NOT make you look cool.When use appropriately , its good. When used for the sake of being used, it sounds utterly stupid. Some people should learn that.

I'm not afraid of isolation. I'm more afraid of having to mix with idiots or morons.Probably thats why i don't talk to people on gunbound way too often.Those ppl gotta learn to speak decently.

Words are like a guns and bullets. Some one could get hurt on either side of the gun. Once fired , can never be taken back. Different people have different interpretion on why and where the gun is being shot.Last but not the least , bullets are not connected to each other. One might be used to distract , one to maim and the last to kill. Figure it out. You might have just been shot.

2005-07-20T20:23:00.000+08:00

For those who wonder why i believe in a religion , i believe it because i can see it. WHy bother praying to some dead bastards that you didn't even existed. Claimed got all the mambo jumbo almighty powers yet do shit to prove it.Nature is some thing we can see , we can experience and we can feel. Have you all not seen the power of nature yet ? Or are you too afraid to recieve it? But dont worry , im not some bastard from some stupid place such a place named CHC that will try ways and means to convert you. If you fucking dont believe it or like it , Leave. Its as simple as that.

Now... to another point i wanna bring across to the mofos out there.No one owes you anything. Don't freaking come up to me and ask me , 'why aren't you doing this and that for me.' The thing is , im not obliged to do any thing for any one. I do things for others because i want to make the world a happier place , just don't think im doing it because i am supposed to do it for you. When it gets to this point , bugger , you are gonna get hell from me.
< rant >
Winning an arguement does not mean being unreasonable. One this day after school , i said to wieming and ziyang , if that freaking Jesus said that incest is a totally behaviour that we should not practice, why does he promote it? If god created adam and eve, wouldnt they to perform incestous acts to reproduce? Then some bugger had to come up to me say , at that time , there was no sins. I said , then what about now ? You mean God can say its not a sin when he and subjects commit it and when others commit it , its a sin?Then that bugger said , God is a supreme being that is free to judge us. So i said , who is he and what rights does he have. So that bugger said , because god is god so he can judge any one. So i said , Ok.... Peng yu is Peng yu and i can judge any one too right? He said , if you dont believe then it doesnt concern me, and why should i be bothered with things that dont concern me.He also said, by the way im not a christian.

OMG.! Then why does me talking to ziyang concern him? EVen if he was christian , it didnt concern him , because it was OUR conversation. Likewise , see ? People that believe their stupid Jesus and god often tend to bite their own tounges. Say that some thing is the right thing and yet they practice it even way before any one else did and said they were in the right. Hence God ,Jesus , etc. etc. = Do any thing we want , say its the wrong for others to do and we do it again and we are still in the right. If you are christian or with any fucking religion that feels that what i say is so so wrong , bugg off. Other wise , try convincing me. I do not mean , being unreasonable.For some reason , some people with religion are still so short sighted and stupid , i wonder what good their religion really does for them.< /rant >

2005-07-17T09:11:00.000+08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism

So i did do something constructive yesterday. I was studying more about my religion. Yeah, i believe in Taoism. I believe in living in peace , in one with nature.Actually , until yesterday , i was not really sure of my religion. Now i learnt a few things more about my religion , i choose to follow it.Besides , Taoism preaches about the things i believed in since long ago. Heh. Going to jog later.

2005-07-16T11:15:00.000+08:00

Song Recomendation : Brave Heart and Deep Forest. Msg me in msn to request for song.

Damn, woke up late again. Damn damn damn. I would really to go somewhere today. Stupid weather. I woke up at 8 and i thought i would be on time. Then i saw the rain. Stoned. yeah... stoned till i fell asleep again.I must go do something constructive later.
. will edit post later in the day

2005-07-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

Hate.The strongest word that we might use in our entire life without fully understanding how strong it is.Then again , i was told by some of my friends who are do not know these people a few things:

1) If i do not treat them as friends , why should i bother about them?
2) If i do not have hope in them , why do i bother talking to them?
3) If i do not trust them , why do i say the truth?

So i thought , yeah , i still treat them as friends. BUT , i do not like their certain actions and attitude towards me.

Then again , back to the one guy that has been a hot topic. Why do you all 'hate' him? Is he really too smart for you all to comprehend? Or the fact that you guys simply got irritated so badly by 1 small thing he said? Are you guys that weak? Then let me ask you guys something.Aren't you guys being even worse , losing to some one who you all deem weak. If he is weak yet he can make you all angry with such small things , you are even weaker.

A strong man does not get affected by others say of him but rather , he gets affected by his own actions. A weak man is one that get affected by the words of others and never by his own actions. Don't you all feel bad ? So many of you ganging up against him?

Oh and just one thing im pissed with though. Don't ever challenge some one with your results. Academic results do not proof everything.Just in case you didn't know , all the computers you are using are created by people that are lower educated than you. And ever heard of multi intillegence? If you don't know, obviously you are not listening in class. A man who speaks all the time , yet cant listen for nuts will never succeed.

Also just to note , my post may be using men as a reference , but the same time applies to women too.Doesn't mean that you are a girl , i don't think the same about you.

2005-07-10T10:35:00.000+08:00

2 weeks. Its been a long time. Theres something in my heart that makes every breath i take so heavy.Today , i am going to drop that thing , that issue.Friends, every one need them. Even I do. Those who know me , will know that i do have a lot of dreams every night. Last night , i dreamt that i was in class , fighting with en ning over a pair of spectacles. Gave him a punch in eye that broke his specs and blinded him. No , i didnt cry , i laughed. I then woke up. I sat up and thought , if i were to blind him in my dreams with no sense of remorse , what the hell is wrong with me.

Then i thought of the things i have thought about these few days.Why did i used to think that i must change to fit in. Why must i fit in with the rest?Then it came to me. I do not want to be whacked , to be teased. I could have never retaliated without the whole gang gang up against me. Enough is enough. A man never gangs up on others. Is there no more honour in this world? Is there no one else that believe in that?

Then i thought , its about time. I believe there will be people out there who will befriend me for who i am and not what i want to be.If i have to lose my friends , so be it.People who do not friend me for who i am are not my true friends anyway.

Also , why do i have to put up with people that hurt me.Today on , i will not tolerate any of those shit. A punch shall be returned with a punch. An insult shall be returned with another. If those people are going to gang up on me like they did , i will do the appropriate thing to do. Wake up , you people. No one owes you guys anything. People don't have to behave the way you all prefer to be your friend.

On top of all that, who really understand me ? All you know is who i want you all to believe i am. How far do you comprehend my words? We grew up in different worlds. There is no way i could be like you all. I grew up in a world of novels ,nature and notes.How about you all? The thing between us is not that i don't like you all. Just that you guys can not understand me and always misunderstand me. A word in itself can have alot of meanings , the meaning of that word is determined by nothing. A man is free to choose how he interprets that word.Sadly , none of you will be able to understand my interpretation. What may seem just harmlessly funny may sound retarded and hurtful to you all. Vice versa.

No one owes you all anything , don't use the word 'friend' as a threat. Don't say 'On the account that we are friends , cant you just do this and that ?' Use that phrase one too many times and you will lose that friend.

Too many things have happened recently. Note that this post is not influenced by any one. Its just that i feel its an appropriate time to bring this up. I feel not anger but of regret , remorse and resent. Hiaz... what will happen next , i do not know. Perhaps the legendary TFBA is gonna come. I am prepared for it. I just needed to get this off my heart.

2005-07-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

Arghz .... i hate the world. One of the hamsters have just died again. Why must it be this way that when theres life , there's death. Why do creatures die ? I believe is to prevent over population but also to let us realise that we should live every day as our last.

Alright , now i really hate design and technology , i just can't seem to get it right. Either that or i just simply can't be that patient to slowly draw things and do research.

Life has reached a point that i no longer see any purpose in the existence of some people. Some people say that they exists to enchance the beauty of others. Utter bullshit. Those people are a sore in the eye. More details in the future posts. I am still a bit sad about this fact that i do not want to touch on this topic. Yet.

Also , recently , noticed a new trends Theres a new group of terrorists. Called the TBFA. Also known as , Tag Board Flamers Association. Common characteristics includes , lack of balls , prone to using vulgarities , lack of intelligence and above all , they are ashamed of their own names. Beware , one of them might just be targetting your blog already. Start putting some preventive measures to keep them at bay.

2005-07-04T11:11:00.000+08:00

Last night , there was a great storm.The wind and rain blew into my room and awakened me. I went to close the door and windows.I laid down and my bed and suddenly feel like thoughts were filling me up.I just have a few more days, i better buck up.

D&t is making feel like im so compressed. The school system is so screwed up and so merciless. Don't the teachers have any feelings towards the students? For goodness sake , we are not results producing machines. They often say its for our own good. But i often listen what they say yet think. If it is really for our good , what good has it done if has made us so unhappy?

Next , the government. I feel they are doing a screwed up job handling with our money.What i mean is that they are not doing what they are supposed to do with out money effectively. The money they spent on some things are overkill. Take a look at the new library.Yeah , its chic , its big , its cool. But, look at it this way. Who the fuck needs 7 storeys of reference library ? So little books for the general users , yet so much money spent on the minority users. Alot of other factors why i hate the current government. If i were to blog them all down , i might take a year or so to finish.Hm... perhaps i should go write a book , 'The screwed up government , Pay And Pay'.

O levels coming soon eh , but yet , im still so lost in my own world. I wish to study , but i honestly lack the discipline to study alone. Yet , i feel so awkard in asking ppl to study with me. Its like , ' Hey , you want to study ? Nah... dont come joke with me , bug off ~~~'. You get what i mean ?Haiz , perhaps i'm the type of dreamer. So many things in life i want to accomplish , yet lack the motivation to actually go do it.

2005-06-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

Just installed blog patrol to see how if my blog is worth keeping up or not. Then i realised that ... i accumulated 4 visitors in 10 mins . all from different ip. So must be different ppl. Why is that when people visit yet don't leave their comments ? Weird..

Anyway , school is starting. I kinda hate it , yet kinda love it. Its starting to get to me when im at home , all alone. Yet going to school means work , work. Arghz... and on top of all that , theres D&T. I'm feeling so drained.

But i believe life is not all about such mundane things. We all should seek a higher sense of existence. We don't live for to work for others. Neither do we work for money. Yes , i agree money is important , but we should be content when we have enough. But some say you can never have too much money. My retort would be , you can never be too greedy either. Its all about greed. As long you are greedy , money will never be enough , in fact , nothing will be. So just realise how much you actually can make without over stretching yourself and work towards that amount and you will do fine.

Don't ever say ' I dare to dream' when you don't dare to fall.I know , the feeling of falling hurts.So never take risks you know you will be able to handle the consequences.Dreams can be be there to make or break you. Having a dream you want to acheive is good , provided you actually work towards that dream and don't just dream literally.You may ask , who am i to say this ? Let me ask you again , who are you to ask me this? If any one of you out there can convince me with a good answer , i might very well take back all my words.

Try , but you will never succeed until the day i choose to be convinced.See, everything starts from within. To change others , first change yourself.Thats it for today's senseless post of the day.

2005-06-23T01:30:00.000+08:00

Played 10 hrs of basketball till around 8 then talk cock with the others until 9+.. Tml gonna watch initial d .. Hope i can wake up in time.But i find it so hard to fall asleep.Luckily now at this time still got summer talk to me.

Alot of things are happening too fast in my mind.Nowadays i find myself at night , tossing and turning , asking my self a few questions. Until that day i solved those questions , i believe i cannot have a good night's sleep

2005-06-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

Very soon , i will never see you again. Maybe. I wish to to keep seeing you. Be it whether you are with me or not. That smile of yours is worth every single thing in this world to me. And i promise. I will keep that smile on your face for as long as i can. What matters is whether you are able to accept or not.

Sianz. have to work later again. **** work. Yesterday sleep till about 6 so didnt go to work. I bet i will get **** left right upside down today at work today.

That day i went to collect my pay , i suffered the worst thing ever. On my way back on the bus , i stood at this space where there was no one. Then the crowd started to get in opposite of plaza singapura there. Then got this girl that stood in front in of me , squeezing me agaisnt the wall. Well , luckily she was rather good looking so i wasnt really bothered. until i heard her talking on the phone. OMG SUCH A ROUGH VOICE AND SO CRUDE. I felt like i was in hell at that point. Then was stuck behind her all the way till teck whye. Cant run away cos got this malay girl on the right of me, then a seat left of me and the girl was right in front of me. SUCKS. At least they werent digusting bitches like the gorrilla in 5cm thick cosmestics hanging on the grab poles 045 degrees of me. bah... luckily sheryl came onboard and talked to me at teck whye and the girl moved aside. Thanks for that. Luckily the girl's hair was quite nice smelling though.

ARGHS !! I really dread going to work. If not for the pay, i would screw that job.

2005-06-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

爱我还是他
黑暗中的我们都没有说话一直想回家不想你回家
寂寞深的太让人害怕温柔你的手
轻轻揉着我的发你的媚颜说你渴望我拥抱
你身体却在拼命它等欲望在燃烧
你爱我还是他是不是真的他有比我好
为谁在挣扎你爱我还是他
就说出你所说的真心话你到底跟我还是他

老鼠爱大米
我听见你的声音有种特别的感觉
让我不断想不敢再忘记你
我记得有一个人永远留在我心中
哪怕只能够这样的想你
如果真的有一天爱情理想会实现
我会加倍努力好好对你永远不改变
不管路有多么远一定会让它实现我会亲亲在你耳边对你说(对你说)
我爱你爱着你就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你
我想你想着你不管有多么的苦
只要能让你开心我什么都愿意
这样爱你我爱你爱着你就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你
我想你想着你不管有多么的苦
只要能让你开心我什么都愿意这样爱着你

Im bored. Basketball ,i no longer love it. You took all the love away from me.

2005-06-14T02:54:00.000+08:00

At 3am i am posting this post that will appear senseless to some ppl. Just finished work and did Overtime. Bah... school starts at 6 tml... god ... it has been almost 3 weeks since i didnt get my daily 8 hr beauty sleep. THIS SUCKS

Just now at work got this fucking guy named samuel. Fucking piece of shit. Talk like as if he is the boss. Keep thinking he is above the rest. The important word is THINKING. Knn... talk to the rest like what. All of us was there working already when he was still drinking milk. One day , he will realise my bark is worse than my bite. Wee boon they all too nice to him already. Now climb over all our head. Fucking retard. Cant play ball for nuts still talk so much. Work slow nvm with me , but i hate his attitude. Work slow still fuck around so much

Ok ... enough of biatching today. The question i got from the fairer sex regarding my previous post is: What about girls? What breaks and make them? Why is your blog all about guys?

Simple , i am a guy. So its guy talk.
From my view , the thing that really makes a girl look ugly is not the red volcanoes and the blackheads on your face. Its whats inside. Jealousy , envy , gossiping and act cute buay cute are the 4 things that really make girls look as good as rotten tomatoes mixed with rotten eggs

What makes a guy fall for a girl ? Trust , honesty , attitude and character. If there is no trust , nothing will ever work. If she is not honest , how can a guy ever believe in her? With a bad attitude, even the Mr Nice Guy wont want to make friends with you. With a bad character , she is just a like rotten food mixed with rubbish juice.

2005-06-11T14:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday
D&t is now so boring ... slept on the canteen bench with pelvin and jason. Lol only bobby so hardworking to do d&t. then went to do up some shit , went home and fell like a log ... sianz , later still gotta work , haiz ... but no choice , no money

Thoughts.
Grades , Girls and Greed . The 3 things that break and make a man. Without grades , you will be looked down and where shall you go? With Girls , you can both break and make. If you are lucky , your life will be filled with happiness , if you are not in luck , your life spirals down rapidly. Greed, it leads man to no where.

Arrogance , Attitude and Apathy. The 3 things that destroy a man.

Think about it , nothing would change if we dont start changing ourselves. Nothing will be achieved if you sit there doing nothing. Confidence is good but blind arrogance is not good at all.
My dear friend , stop sitting there , giving that that haughty look and treating like you know everything when your grades and your general knowledge shows you know nuts at all.

No point in saying 3 phrases. I understand but i just cannot accept.You would never know until that day comes. I will do it some how.

1) Since you cannot accept , what the fuck do you understand in the first place ? The world is not a cartoon , don't act like some hero
2)Well , i do admit nothing is predictable BUT dont expect miracles to happen if you are just going to sit down there and hope for one. Miracles are created by man.
3)You will never do it some how if you dont even start in the first place. Even the longest journey starts with a first step. Nothing will be done if nothing is done in the first place

In short , you are watching too much Tv and anime.The characters live in a different from us. We dont live in a world like them. Grow up , stop acting like a kid trying to be a hero. Trust me , heros are made , never born. If you refuse to accept the harsh facts of society and continue living in your make believe world 'that every thing will turn out fine' , well i wouldn't even wish you good luck cos even luck wont help.

2005-06-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

This few days have been really stressed , D and T , school and all other kind of crap. Too busy , too tired.Yet when i look at your face , i feel joy and depression setting into me at the same time. Your beautiful face sets my heart on fire. But yet the fact that you will never be there to look at the sky with me drops my heart to the deepest depth.

But today , went for this english seminar that was really useful. Taught us about the criteria to acheive the grades we want. Distinction seems so far away. Mr Anthony Green was funny. Lots of joke sia. However they were all important in showing us how a small thing makes a big difference.

A panda walks into a restuarant and orders his food. After eating , he shoots a gun and then leaves the place. The people asked him why he did that. Panda took a out a Wildlife booklet and turns to the page on panda and shows it to every one. Panda : Eats , shoots and leaves.

Lol , see ? A comma makes a big difference. Its time for me to do something to get a good grade for english. Went out with pelvin they all after the seminar . Went to Bukit panjang plaza played bowling. Lost like F*** but still nice to play.Damn , have to finish my D&t project soon , get fitter , get some cash.

Thats it , end of my boring adventure for the last few days. However , the things i learnt about english is not going change my method in my blog. So if you are expecting a change , TOO BAD !

2005-05-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Chinese = Die die die , knn de hard... if i dont get good grades , most likely i would retake. $60 for another chance.

These few days quite busy. My mum went on a holiday again and now i am left to fend for myself. Watering the plants , doing the dishes , getting my own meals , etc etc. All the stupid household chores. Nothing much interesting any way. Was creating a new map for a strategy game a while ago and time just zapped past . 1 day gone. tml have this stupid school thing starting all over again. And its lasting for 2 weeks. Why cant the stupid school just let us off.

Now , my ultimate dream : To own a house onboard Freedom Ship or anything that is going to be something like that. www.freedomship.com

And to go to an ecolodge. Although im still sourcing for friends or relatives that might be interested.Besides , i have to start working my butt for my Os and my money to travel.

Unorganized post today. Time is running out. The only magic spell i want is to stop time.

2005-05-27T13:28:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey , Sorry guys . Was sick when i first came back from bangkok , so didn't really really post much.

I went to stay in a rural area and every day was nothing much , just travelling here and there to eat. The really fun places that i went to was Pattaya . Beautiful beach man. Played with jetskis there. Then also there was this once we ate on a little boat in the middle of a river and we went to see fireflies . Damn it , we even managed to catch a few and put it into the bottle. Nothing Else much . Didn't get gifts for any one because nothing much to buy there except clothes . Check out the misc section . I am going to upload a few pics.

Can't write too long today eh , have to go clear my bags ... i still have not unpack everything yet

2005-05-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

Right ... blogging at the most unexpected place. Right now , i am at the lobby of some unknown hotel using their computer at 20bath per hour (24bath = $1sgd)

So i took the plane at 8.35 last night and arrived here at 12am (gmt+7) , so it was 1am for you all. My father's friend took us to eat shark's fin. So freakin shocked when they gave each of us a pot each and the fin were like ... way way bigger than those i seen in singapore. The best thing ? Each big pot costs like only $20 sgd. So after that , we checked in to the hotel and i went zzzzzzzz.

Woke up at around 8 am and tried to find breakfast. Every stall was not open... so in the end go another hotel's cafe eat. Then went shopping ... omfg bout that ... there was this shopping almost as big as suntec city and there were like ....8-10 sports apparel retail stores. Bought a pair of puma slippers and fox t-shirt. Both awesomely low rates!

Then i went to visit my father's friend's training cum hostel for boxers ... about 20+ of them... so sad sia , never go to school etc etc , every day must fight till their balls come off. Then went to seafood , so freakin fresh for the seafood. bah... too bad i didnt bring my camera along.

Anyway , from tommorrow onwards , i will be staying at my father's friend's house. Another guy though , now going to fish farm. OMFG i am so looking forward towards it. But chances are i won't get to be online anymore

2005-05-17T14:21:00.000+08:00

Im going off , be back on the 24th. Going to bangkok to do a few things. No , no gifts for any one. I don't buy friendship. :) Friendship itself is earned.

These few days , life has been better . That stupid backstabber has backed down a bit already. Why mess with the experts of backstabbing when you have only just joined the game ?

Nothing much to write , except i will definitely miss some people.

2005-05-14T10:56:00.000+08:00

Colossal - Big , huge , enormous
to have loyalty- to be always true to your friends , always faithful
hypocrite- Some one who pretends to be more virtuous than he really is.
Virtue- A particular kind of goodness

Why all these so called simple words ? It is because many of you all have forgotten about the meaning behind these words. Always talk about such words yet seldom follow them through. Jason quek , you have no loyalty , and a hypocrite. I am serious , you think no one know that you are fire in your ass in boon kiat's blog ? Fuck , your ip and browser both match. What else is there to deny? I am dissappointed. As a classmate , not even a friend , you should at least , not add salt to his injury to his injury while hiding. Yet you dare talk about hypocriticy to others. Reflect. Thats what you need to do. I bet no one from 5C except ziyang , sebastian and boon kiat may ever come across this page. But if any of you from 5C ever , ever reach this page. I am sorry for pointing out the mistakes that he have done because i suppose , you are all his good friend now. I say it once and i will never repeat again. One day you all will regret until the day he changes. Like i said , im sorry for such a view.

End this war , end this war , end this war. But will it really end? It will only really end when we learn to forgive and forget and to back off a bit once in a while. Yes , you may be totally right. But what good does it bring if both of you are right in your own ways and refuse to back off ? It all leads to war doesn't it ? Especially to those who study history. It has been proven that as long as both sides stick to their doing things their way because they are right , which i agree too , tensions will rise and conflicts will occur.

Also , i fight for my beliefs. To my last breath. I don't deny that sometimes i may be a bit unreasonable but look , is it wrong to fight for our own beliefs ? It is the very thing that keeps us going. To smash another's belief just because you don't like it or don't believe it , is wrong. Hence i am forced to fight for my beliefs against such people and i don't regret.

2005-05-13T10:20:00.000+08:00

First of all , boon , i seriously hate to say this but i really hope that this thing will end. But i am really interested to find out who those fuckers are. How can they scold people while hiding ? Its like america fired a nuke at japan and said. It was china who did it. Fuck those asses. Worse of all , they did some thing that i really really really hate . Bringing other's people's parent into the arguement. Do unto others what you want others to unto on you.

As for serchuan , hey , long time no see , you guys still coping well ? and yup , its up cos i am sick of not being to vent my anger on some people . o.O

These few days have been really cool , except for that tagwar issue.Goodness , why can't people act more civilised and stop scolding vulgar and other stupid remarks that are untrue and hurting ? Worse of all , posting a tag without their name , scared out of their loony poo candy ass. I hate those people , gosh , i really hate those people. If fire or that vex or what ever that didnt use their name really belongs to 5c , all i can say is , dissapointment. At least im not dissed at romeo and pelvin and the rest because they said things that although were hurting , were not untrue. Also they didnt bring people's parents in.

However , why dont they actually bother sitting down and talk about with a neutral party as a mediator ? Why can't they stop hurting each other? Bbq fish bbq fish, i seriously resent that nick. One day , when i really had it of this class , i will leave. I will leave. But thats only after i collected my O level results and prove them all wrong. Why is it that these problems have never arised from my other groups of friends but it always happen in this group? Is it because of just 1 person ? I doubt so , every one is at fault. Forgive and forget , cant they seem to learn that ? Why can't they simply learn to let go ? Just forget it , people , just forget. When will this stupid thing ever end? It will not be possible until both sides learn to give way. Back off a bit.

Regarding why i jiaowie : Because when i need to talk chinese , its hard . When i have to talk in simpler terms for some people , its hard. So when i try to talk you all , i find it hard to converse , using alot of words to try to explain. Ending up in your so called jiaowei. If i speak as i like , you would also say jiaowei because you dont understand. What the fuck you all want? people of different worlds never click. thats all i have to say to you all. but im trying , yet you all ruined my efforts. never discourage some one who makes progress no matter how slow. You really have alot things to learn about life. Go read some books.

Am i pissed today ? Totally.

2005-05-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

Keel - over turn
metronome - a device whick makes ticking sounds at set intervals to help keep in time.

Went to ICA to renew my passport today. And i took the long route ... bah... i didnt even realised it until i was in woodlands.The food there is like crap. DO NOT EVER EAT THERE.

Exam period , but i don't feel the stress to study or whatever. But those people around me , i hope they won't be demoralised or what. I just personally feel that i don't need to study .Yet. Of course im going to study at some point of time . Duh... I am not like mad or something , i still want my decent O level cert. not one with l1r5 =30. I refuse to be a loser in life.You guys heard that ? I no longer resign to fate or whatever shit. My life is in my own hands. I control what scores i get , i control what i want.

Any way to clarify something , i know some people feel that i despise them or what. Note the word is despise.Yes i agree to that . I feel that there are people inferior to me.By declaring that i am a person that will despise others , i gained another right to despise hypocrites. Want to me stop this shit ? Well... prove me wrong. At least i have the right to despise people because i am better than them generally.I challenge you , to take away that right by proving yourself better.

I condemn those way inferior to me
I despise those inferior to me
I watch warily at those on par with me
I stare in envy of those who are better than me
I am a human.
You lied and denied that this is basic human nature.
You claimed that you were of a better nature.
Then you are no longer human but a liar in self-denial
Or perhaps just a hyprocrite

sorry for the long post

2005-05-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

Prodigal -Wasteful , Extravangant , 浪费
Interminable- Keep on going 1 , won't stop , endless , 不会完

I think i screwed my maths . But i suppose i made an record today , for sleeping the least throughout all my exams for social studies.

After the exams went to eat at Lets Eat with ziyang , boonkiat and suprising jonathan.Ziyang was questioned and suaned by us throughout the whole meal lor because we saw him at plaza singapura with something going on.

After the short meal , went to play ps2 at boon kiat house , the gundam battle assault. Finally i am starting to get a better grip of the game.But, i need challengers !!! Where are all my foes ??!?

Short post for today though , must go eat dinner cooked by my mum before it gets cold.

And as usual, i really hate people who delete comments that are not all that pleasant just to keep a good image and can't accept others' opinion on their blog. My friend has got his tag deleted and i think that well... it shouldn't be deleted.However, who am i to interfere?

2005-05-08T11:26:00.000+08:00

Ravenous- Very hungry , Ravenously - Very hungrily
Strife - Figthing or argument , conflict like that

Why these 2 words ? As of now , everyday i would add 1 or 2 words to my blog . Words that i was not sure of the meaning and the new words i have learnt that i find interesting. Sort of like my own english revision because my vocab sucks big time.

Mother's day today , still deciding on sumo house or ichiban at ps or maybe even sakae at lot 1. Today , my sis are all not around so its up to me to foot the bill all by myself, perhaps i should try to extort money from my father this time lol.

Yesterday was a day spent unwisely . I was sitting in front of my computer trying to conquer the whole of china in Romance of the three kingdoms X. Bah... I OWN CHEENA !!!

Btw those people that actually still visit my blog after that long inactivity , thanks.

2005-05-07T17:01:00.000+08:00

I am finally back with a new skin and a new entry :) Not that much people will see this blog , but hey , its my personal space ! To those who wonder what happened to this blog , actually i wanted to do a new nice layout of totally my own but i decided that no point ... because who bothers but me ?

These few days are exams period but really no mood to study... but any way , i will still own some people i hate with my marks any way. You may ask why , but i have no reason but to say they are idiots.

Why this skin ? Because i really wonder , who will be the one to walk with me to end of the world ? I have not find that person yet , but i will keep trying.

Any way , i really had enough of some people , lets dub him ' THE FAT ASS ' as of now in my blog because i have no intention to mention names . Bootlicker , hypocrite , backstabber , poser , abuser of authority . Any thing , you name it , you got it. i really hate this guy.... and im not alone. Revenge ? Hell yeah. I won't let him sway his fat ass any much longer in that happy mood. And the ironic thing ? he said he hate this kind of people. **** this ass

2005-02-13T12:47:00.000+08:00

I know not that any one would care ... but afterall this is just an outlet for me vent my anger and feelings ... i have not update for almost 1 month le ...

After going 1 big round , i realise what is it that i really want , who i really want to be with. No point pursuing things in life that would never make me happy.

Some moron thinks that i cannot do without some people in my life. Let me tell you now , from this very fucking moment , I never need to be with them. You think i would die if i wasn't friends with them ? Fuck you. Right now at this very minute , this very second i am enjoying myself with my friend mj on r.o.s.e. and later i am going to go out and have a nice meal. The thing about that is that i don't need any of them.

I lost myself because i trusted and believed your words foolishly. Right now , let me tell you , your ways of doing simply digusts me. I do not wish to mention names but those people who are older than me would know i am mentioning. Pity is only a temporary , friendship are forgettable , but 1 thing will never fade. Its a promise.

I guess what some people said is right. I don't have to fit in , I am who i am , so what if i become anti-social? Even anti-social people have friends. The least sociable people usually have the most reliable friends and the most sociable person usually have the most but least reliable friends. I am just speaking this from my experience.

Tommorrow , V-day but ... it doesnt seem to affect me :) i am just going to go school then go back home and train my character in r.o.s.e. and then go to sleep , what a day ... life seems to be simpler for me now ever since i got rid of some one in my life.

2005-01-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

Life has never been so cool ... these few days seem so relaxed and enjoyable... but im still searching for my paradise and the one... i have been working harder than before ... not as good but still getting better already.

I wonder what i am going through recently ... some people say its hell , some people think its heaven ... to me , it just a road to heaven. Not heavenly yet but still close to that. Life has changed me so much ... from some one who regards friendship alot ... i learnt that friendship is everything ... you must learn to break away from friendships the moment you know they won't last. I also agree with what people say that primary school friends will be your closest friends. As people grow up , they think more complicated.

They are no longer easy satisfied by the many things that life has to offer ... i wonder why every one has become like this. I hope to have a friend who i can really trust in school but some times I am scared that i will get hit from all sides. I just hope that no one will come give me trouble any more. All i ask from those who i call friends and who call me friends to leave me alone , please , don't touch me or i will harm you. Yeah , I am paranoid ,scheming, crafty, sadistic, weak but ... who are you all to judge me ?

To those who don't believe i am trying to turn over a new leaf and think i am just plotting something... let me tell you a secret , im planning hire an assasin to take you out. Recently , i also becoming more extremist and my mood changes very fast. So get out of my life and leave me alone ,for it will be the best for all of us. Thank you.

To those who actually care , thanks for being there when i need it your help the most. I will remember your kindness.Once again, Thank You.

To those who claims to care and to be my friend but stabbed me in my back when i was going through this period of my life, fuck you. I mean it , fuck you. Whats your problem? You really think i am blind ? I just pretended to ignore it because i thought we could still be friends one day. But life has taught me , people like youall are not worth my time , no matter how worthless it may be. Get OUT OF MY LIFE. Thank You.

2005-01-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

Im starting to stray from my resolutions for the year already ... damned ... slacking and sleeping is the easiest thing to do ever ... nothing can be compared to those 2 good activities ...

Starting to hate school ... nothing left that i desire in school ... there used to people that make me want to go school , look and them and say wow... nowadays , go school see alot of people will just go sian .... , hypocrites , little kiddos and many other not very flattering comments ... even the teachers that teach me also so sian... the only thing i look forward to is the pratical lessons , though chemistry 1 is much much better than physics even though i have no clue what is going on in chemistry classes...

The world is just getting more boring to me ... no thrill , no purpose but , suicide has never been on my mind ... recently some things happened to a friend of mine ...i don't even know whether i can call him friend or not ... w/e ... why must he attempt suicide when things are not going well? is the world really that bad ? i can't believe that i never treated life as something that is so fragile until now ... life could be ended so easily but it takes so long to grow and mature ... but when it finally grows up , it will be strong and pretty. Besides , we don't live in a world that belongs to others ... we have to create our own world so that every thing can be better , to us , the perfect world ... and one of the most important thing to achieve that would be looking at life from a different angle then it start to shape in your wishes... bad or good , you choose , no longer others.

2005-01-07T18:40:00.000+08:00

Almost 13 days never update huh... too little time , too much things to do.

Lets start with genting ... pretty cool and i mean cooooool... 10-14 degrees all the time ... so freakin cold..went with my mum , auntie and cousin.Go there , play indoor amusement park ... cos dont dare to go out side 1... so cold plus i scared of heights .. definitely a no-no , and go there eat pizza hut like siao haha cos there nothing else much nice to eat ... the fog there was really bad ... but hey , it looks really cool. I bought alot of chocolates , intending to give to some people but i guess that there is no need now , neither do i feel like giving any way.Pretty fun , every second there was fun, long time since i had so much fun.Then got this little kid who is also from singapore playing bumper cars that very friendly 1 , 7 years old only , so friendly and cheerful. We often tag-teamed and when to bully other ppl :p. What a cute and interesting little boy. Then i also went to the snow world or sth liddat and took photos and played with the snow..Kinda sad that i have to go back on that day but there also like nothing much to play or shop already.Staying on would be wasting time.

Came back home , slept then got my sister chalet liao... first day not so bad ... got about 10-20 peeps there all my sister npcc friends and a few of her close secondary school friends ...had bbq fire set up in record time :) if only every bbq fire was set up this fast. Lots of food and drink.Then later at night when most ppl went home , me and a few of my sister's friends went to macafe and on our way back , started raining , so we ranned all the way back.... also the reason why i got flu.By the next morning , only left my sis , me and her friend in chalet. so we slept until 1pm then they say wanna go bedok eat japanese meal at sumo house , pretty cheap 4.90 for a set meal.then i went to clarke quay settle some business. then later i go back chalet at 5pm , all still sleeping ... so we went mac to eat.and met up with my er jie and her bf. we went back to our chalet and set up bbq fire again.a small one and we just brought the chairs and table out and just sat by the fire to bbq and eat at the same time. then we played Bingo. lol , interesting game. then after a while , my er jie need to go sleep le cos she working tml , so she and her bf went to sleep and we 3 just continued sitting there , talking until the fire died down at around 4am , then my er jie wake up and say she need to go home bath and prepare for work already , so we moved into the room and rest.my elder sis fell asleep very quickly , then i continue to talk cock with my sis friend. after a while, her friend called her and i went to sleep. next morning , my mum came with my cousin and we went to eat dim sum before going home.

Exhuasted after the chalet and genting. First day of school like so sianz , i seem like im detached from the world already. Also got my priorities right , knew who i could trust and who not to , knew who had my best interests at heart and who are my real friends.

New year resolutions:
1)Work harder , as much A1 and A2 as possible and b3 minimum , working hard to acheive it
2)Stop messing around with everything and everyone , just dont fool around any more
3)Lead healthy lifestyle , more fruits and veggies , more jogging and exercise
4)No more computer games or bball
5)Start a brand new by forgetting everyone and everything.Live in new world

Recently i realised that i would be much better off living in a world of my own where only a few people could enter...Therefore , i will no longer try to please any one any more... you don't like it, then just get lost

2004-12-25T18:53:00.000+08:00

My real vacation is starting soon ... once im back, those who are not my true friends ... watch your own backs ... i hate it when people break their promises to me and betray my trust in them and can act like nothing happen... friends are meant to be kept , enemies are meant to be slain , people who betrayed me will be tortured till they die

Anyway , on the brighter side of life , Merry Christmas every one ! Today went to watch kung fu hustle with dean , vye rern and mojo... pretty funny though at times lame ... funny kind of lame... long time since i hanged out with them ...for some reason , i dont feel any kind of threat when im with them ... i dont feel like some one in the group got something agaisnt me , i dont feel like i have the need to be wary of them... how i wish all my friendships would be like this ... but for a certain reason ... i just feel so threatened sometimes that i have to defend myself...

You may think you are smart, but dont forget , im sinister , sadistic and smarter ... you wanted to play the game and you used the game to your advantage , i hate it and i will make you pay

:) Cheers ! For those who have no caused my wrath , Merry Christmas !

2004-12-22T13:59:00.000+08:00

Sorry havent been blogging recently ... busy ....

Monday worked 6pm-1.30am , then yesterday night from 6pm-6am ... cos got electrical switchboard testing , so no electricity on some of the floors so we have to be on stand by in case of panic situation ... so i partner another girl and we went second floor and met another team ... so we became a group and patrolled the second floor ... quite creepy .. especially at the pool area ... i keep on have the feeling that something is there ... whats funny is that alot of times we hear footsteps and other sounds but every time we go check .. like nothing has happened...

At 2.30 , we split up into pairs again to go to 6 and 7 floor ... me and my partner went 6th floor and we just sat around doing nothing ... at 4am , the emergency lights started to go off and by 5am , the place was in total darkness... we continue sitting there until 6 then can go home already ...

later 6pm i still working sia ... abit sianz...

I'm going to genting on 25th this month ... gonna spend alot of money again ... sianz... then later come back got my sister chalet... then school reopen already le... hope to enjoy my self during those few days ... no need to worry about anything ... no need to fear being betrayed by my some of my closest friends , no need to worry about losing sleep over her , no need to think about money woes... and in case im not around on christmas , I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

2004-12-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

My new shoe

2004-12-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

Flue , fever , throat infection and cough ... 5 different types of medicine and 2 days MC ... really wanted to go work today ... but really cannot make it ... find it hard to even walk around ... started feeling sick from fri already ... but continue working cos i never thought much of it ... but now really down le ...

Tml going sentosa .. really wanna go sia... i will try my best to go sia... hope i get well by tml :(

Btw I HATE THE COUGH SYRUP AND I WILL NOT TAKE IT NO MATTER WHAT !!

2004-12-08T02:15:00.000+08:00

I feel so numb and cold ... it has been days since i have been sick ... from fri till today.... later in 2 hrs time , must go work again...i many times never go cos of forget and lazy le.... this time i really wanna go... learn new things ... but now i really cannot take it any more.Everyday sleep less than 4 hrs .... really ...im tired already .... why is it that you have been running through my mind for days and you are not tired and i have been letting you run my mind and im still gonna break down... i hate you ,GET OUT OF MY LIFE !!!

Thats about it for my ranting ... more about work ... sorry lor .. but this chapter of my life is work.Now got new manager and captain... both when the old manager still around , dont dare do any thing funny ....now ..after he left , those 2 dogs are unleashed ... for nth scold ppl... dunno a shit but still dare to tell ppl what to do.. please lor... if dunno , just stand aside let ppl do lar.... or at least ask how to do lor ... every thing is must learn 1 lor ... after i started working ... i realised that asking for help is not such a pathetic thing ... sometimes , u just need help...

Anyway , today tried a new thing ... do condiments (major sp. mistake) quite interesting lor... dunno what tml will do...

And also , sorry bout the slow updates lor .... cos when sometimes i think no one is gonna look at this blog .. i just feel so put down that i dont wanna blog any more... but sometimes ,i just cant take it and i wanna say everything out

2004-11-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

Let me post a double meaning post today :)

First of all, don't ever mess with a pro if you are new to the game... ... obviously some one has learnt a lesson.

Day 1 , check in and hang around abit before saying a few ghost stories that isnt actually scary but then who would mind a little fun then went beach ... .. many ppl moody ... but i don't think i should add on to the atmosphere besides im not used to showing my feelings to people even if they are very close. So beach volley ball , rather is street volley ball.Lol.Peter , Pelvin and me all same team.Yeah the 3 p(s), like brazil has 3 r(s) in soccer.Opposing team is Romeo , Jun Hui and Bobby , really alot of fun sia... Tried to sleep but every where is so noisy so decided to give up

Day2 , went to eat breakfast before going for a swim ... i realised how slow i am at swimming now ... time to get some practice instead of playing computer games. After that i went to play ps2 a bit where i got thrashed at guilty gear ... but it really doesnt bother me , cos i know i suck at it... tried to master the game but i just couldnt get it ... not my kind of game , no talent for it.Haha.After that we went beach and play captainball... so many ppl until i cannot remember who was in my team already.Soon , Romeo and the rest all went back after the game only the girls , Pelvin , Shixiang , Jun Hui and me stayed behind. The girls were playing with the sand and we were sitting on the benches , enjoying the sea breeze and the company of each other.Never felt so relaxed for a long time... After some time , we decided to head back to the chalet for the BBQ. Somehow , at that point of time , i just didn't felt in the mood to help out.Perhaps i was lazy , perhaps i got other things on my mind. Through out the BBQ period i was eating and eating and eating until i got so bloated... and that cup of red wine make me felt a bit hot but i was not drunk. That red wine kinda sucks ... wasn't as nice i would expect , but since i didn't pay for it , i appreciated the person who bought it.It wasn't cheap. After that KaiYan and the 2 Joanes went home le. Then Nicole , Steph , Crystal went back home. Decided To have a chat with Boon Kiat since every one was doing their own things and i needed some fresh air. After that chat we went back to the chalet where i slept for a while

Day 3 , Woke up , played some games before eating a bit and checking out. Went to Clementi for some reason i am still unsure of but i think its a good reason.After going there , we went to Parco Bugis to play some Local Area NetWork games which only included Warcraft3 : The Frozen Throne. After two and a half hours later , we headed back to Lot 1 where we had our lunch cum dinner before heading to Yew Tee Community Centre where we played a bit of basketball. Went home and used the computer for a while before hitting the sack.
Today , Friday , early afternoon i went to collect my pay and then i went to meet my sisters and my cousin at Plaza Singapura . Had sushi before going for the movie , The Incredibles. The show was simply awesome though it did not have a deep plot.Took cab to Choa Chu Kang Community Centre because my cousin had tuition and we were running late.

Thats about it for these few days... I really have to ask you a few things but you never gave me the chance. I wanted to show that i care but you give me much chance too. Are we really so far apart? The day you fall , i would feel pain , alot of it.And when i said that i am not bothered or angry about it , do you really believe? I know i should not have said all these but it has been within me for so long , torturing me with the pain increasing as days go by.I cannot keep acting like its none of my business and that i do not feel a thing. Please just give me more time. I do not wish to lie to either of us, You are not my everything.But without you i am nothing.

Phew long post huh ... told you guys that now i got more time i would have more posts and longer posts

2004-11-22T02:48:00.000+08:00

Phew ... long time never post liao , sorry every body , i was busy these recent days....

Lets just start from friday.
Early morning ... wake up do nth ... cos my sis using .... after a while i contacted edwin to meet up so we can go bukittimah shopping centre to see some kind of warcraft 3 tournament ... in the end never see any one ... so he called his friends to check .. then they say canceled cos they under 16 , must after 6pm then can go . LOL so after that , we went edwin house where i played a bit of dynasty warrior 4. After that we went lot 1 watch shark tale with edwin bro. After that , i went to rent 5 vcds which i have only viewed 2.

Saturday .... that day so blur sia... i never book that day , so my name is not up on the list , meaning im not working , but that manager let me work from 11am -11pm , so good of him huh. But that day got some stupid moron shout at me cos my chair trolley accidently bumped into the chairs mah... but then also not my fault what , the space so narrow.if i push the trolley , i cant see in front. if i pull it , i cant see behind , so either way i would not be able to see where the trolley going all the time mah...after that shouting , i got so pissed off that i made mistakes throughout the entire night.

Today , sunday , so good , nth bad happened and i managed to do OT. But i also never book any more le... perhaps not working le ..i said perhaps ...

Plans for tommorrow.Pack my bag , watch the remaining vcds and go collect pay.

2004-11-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

Just woke up today... today so happy sia .... cos got 2 good things happen yesterday night ... got guest praise me and finally at long last they let me do Over Time ... quite relaxed lar... Summore yesterday i do dry ice ... so fun sia ... if everyday liddat , i dun mind working leh...

Got 1 point wanted to quit liao ... cos very sianz and often like get scolded... but recently more motivated le....

My cousins came to singapore recently, maybe going out with my sister to meet them later ... see if can contact them or not ...